Help Please!

Hey everyone,

I have a friend who is going in for a biopsy on Monday. It would mean a great deal to me if you would remember her in your prayers. She is a totally awesome, very special lady. Please join with me in praying for her.

Thanks, you guys/gals are the best!

12 Steps--step 4

I have a pretty bad cold, and I'm bored. You would be to if the only way you feel like you are breathing is to have the room so full of vicks vapors that it would suffocate a dinosaur. Trying to come up with something to do for the few days that I've been 'hot boxing' vicks has been a challenge. I've applied to a several jobs, caught up on all my fanfiction, played too many video/computer games, done the dishes, cleaned my room, watched all my Christmas movies, read several chapters in my book, and now I'm avoiding calling the insurance company (it's been a busy three days). I figure that the best way to do that is to blog...so without further ado:

Step 4. Moral inventory

This inventory was started quite a while ago, even before I realized that I had a problem with logic. Unfortunately most of my best examples are there. However, I do believe that I have thought of a few more things I could work on. I continue my previous list here.

I'm sorry that I...

1. made my brother a sarcastic sign, so my parents could keep up.
2. ate the whole pan of fudge. It was really good fudge, and I tried to spread it out. It took a whole week. In my defense, I told my roommates to have some, even left it in front of the fridge--with a knife, but they were not fast enough.
3. thought of getting my brother's soon to be born baby an onesie that had "downloading" and a completion bar printed on it. I came to my senses in time, just barely though.
4. wear t-shirts with sarcastic remarks on them. My favorite is "Everyone has the right to be an idiot, but you are abusing the privilege!" I like the contradiction between right and privilege...that, and it makes me feel better when I have to deal with tech support.
5. suggested a moment of silence for those "poor, poor field mice" in my brother's news satire skit. I probably shouldn't encourage behavior like that.
6. was too chicken to admit that I played the "my love life" card when the topic in Apples to Apples was "comical." It was a choice between making people laugh or playing a card that made absolutely no sense. And, I was very unsure about how Nick's family would take it.
7. voted for all around paper cuts for the insurance company that keeps wanting to review, instead of approve, my little brother's headache treatment.
8. suggested that HMX was "whacked out on weed" when we discovered an oddity in its thermal behavior.
9. laughed at my brother when he 'ransomed' the teacher's chalk for his confiscated lighter. This is another prime example of behavior I shouldn't have encouraged. Good thing we sent him to Chile.

I guess I need to make a statement now. I promise to try to be better, and encourage only good behavior in others. I know this will not be easy. As a kid, if it made mom laugh you didn't get punished for it. In general the 'moms' have changed, but the behavior is still there. I'm sorry, and I will strive to do better.

Oh, and in case anyone is wondering about this strange brother I have, all three are represented above.

Truth is stranger than fiction

Have you ever wondered why Einstein left the patent office? Possibly it was due to something like this passing over his desk.

The November 3rd issue of Chemical and Engineering News featured a mini article about a patent that was awarded in August of 2007, to Avocet Polymer Technologies. This patent (US Patent No. 7255627) is for a bra that can double as a gas mask. I know what you are thinking, only a guy would think this up. WRONG! The patent was awarded to one Elena N. Bodnar, of Hinsdale Illinois.

Several thoughts ran through my mind. 1. You've got to be kidding me. 2. How creepy. 3. Women in Illinois must wash their bra more often than I do. At least I hope so. 4. How uncomfortable, in either function.

This invention also brought up a whole lot of questions. How often do you need to change the filter? How does constant skin contact affect the lifetime of the filter? Who's breasts are in the same shape as their lower face? How do they keep air from leaking around the nose? What happens if you are a DD, do they provide a window to see out of? How would I get half of my bra back...would I even want it back? And which would be preferable, exposure to a chemical/biological agent or removing my bra in public...and then sharing it?

12 Steps--step 3

3. Total surrender to God.

This has been a difficult post to write. Not because I don't believe in God; because I most assuredly do. Not because I don't do what he tells me; my track record isn't 100%, but it's up there. But because I want it to have the right mixture of insolence and reverence. I want God to read this and laugh, without giving a single thought toward the smite button. (I'd post the cartoon, but Gary Larson has requested that his cartoons not be available on the internet.) So...here we go. If I'm still around tomorrow, I guess He laughed.

I will illustrate this step with three examples, since everyone knows all things religious must be proved in threes.

• I cross streets in downtown Salt Lake City. Most people think that this is taking their life into their own hands. Occasionally I would agree with them. However, since I got an iPod for Christmas, this endeavor has been getting more and more dangerous. I find it warming to look up just in time to avoid the driver that wants to turn me into chunky soup. I believe its evidence that God isn't tired of my shenanigans here on Earth, yet. Oh, and I'm sorry I swore last time.

• I have been reading the Old Testament, and I'm actually enjoying it. Sure it has it's boring parts, but the interesting/funny parts are mixed in at just the right frequency. It must have been inspired. Along with all the genealogy, the wars, and where each tribe's inheritance is located, are...(1) A talking donkey; (2) paradoxes (you can't gather sticks on the Sabbath, but immediately stone the guy who did); (3) a slut who gets rewarded for blackmail; and my personal favorite (4) Moses acting like a Jewish grandmother (Because of your unfaithfulness we have had to wander in the desert for 40 years, with you whining and murmuring against God the whole time! I left you alone, for just a minute, and while I was gone you starting worshiping a golden calf! I took your idol into the wilderness, and beat it to dust. God was so ready to smite your sorry butts, but I pleaded long and hard for you! In His infinite wisdom, God had mercy upon you.). And to think, I'm only in Joshua. I can't wait to get to Samuel where, according to my roommate, there is explosive diarrhea!

• Over the years I have developed a "what will be, will be" attitude. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that I just sit back and watch life happening. I am always striving to improve things around me. I have, and continue to, work hard to get exactly where and what I want. I set goals, and make future plans. However, if these plans don't work out exactly the way I hoped, it isn't the end of the world. I adapt, and make new plans. In short, as long as I am treated fairly, I accept what is--and work hard to make tomorrow better. As long as I do my very best, I have faith that everything will work out as it should.

Educated Insolence

What is the obsession with dressing up for Halloween? As a kid I dressed up. However, one year I was too swamped with algebra homework to go trick-or-treating. That was the last time I dressed up. Well...not exactly. I've worn a costume (sort of) three times since then.

The next year, my friends were discussing their Halloween costumes. When I didn't say anything, they asked me what I was going to be. I explained that I wasn't dressing up, and they didn't believe me. The day came where we could wear our costumes to school, and I didn't get a moment's peace. I am ashamed to admit it--on the way home, I caved. I picked up a dead leaf, and told them I had my costume. They asked me what I was, and I made them guess. There was about half a mile left in the walk home. I know what you are thinking, and I did too have an answer in mind. I just wanted to see what they would come up with. They didn't guess it, and I took pity on them. I said, "I'm a missionary." At their confused looks, I twirled my leaf and said, "my little friend has fallen away." That got laughs and them off my back. The best of both worlds.

The next time I dressed up was a few years ago. I had a roommate who wasn't going to let me not dress up. I briefly wondered what she could do to me if I didn't dress up, but in the end I decided to humor her. To the ward Halloween party I wore a baby doll t-shirt that had the yellow submarine from the Beatles's album on it. Since I frequently wore this shirt, she had to ask if I dressed up. I told her, "Yes. I'm a drug rep." It took her a minute, but she got it. I'm sorry to say that most of the people who asked me didn't. I guess that's a good sign, at a LDS party.

The last time wasn't for Halloween. I had a friend that threw a sixties dinner party. Everyone needed to come dressed up in sixties attire. When I complained that I wasn't alive in the sixties, and hence I didn't know how they dressed, she told me to watch sixties TV shows. I told her I would think about dressing up. Then I remembered, Star Trek was on air in the sixties! I went dressed as a red shirt. Complete, mini-skirt and all.

Picture Tag

So...here's the rules:

1. Go to the third folder in your picture files.
2. Post the third picture.
3. Tag three friends.

Here's my picture. It's from the last time we went skeet hunting, last April.

I tag: Jessie, Mandy, and Bishop Glade.

My blog reading has increased since the last time I was tagged, but just barely.

Walking around without skin!

Body Worlds 3 cannot be beat! I totally loved it, but then again, I enjoy looking at 'bodies without skin' as my mom puts it.

I checked out their homepage when I first heard about it, the last week in September. Since then, I have been madly trying to find someone to go with me. I decided to go alone today, since I thought that this was the last weekend. (Luckily I caught my roommate on the way out the door, and we went in together. We were quickly separated though.) However, I checked again today and you are good to go until January. Everyone should go see it! Please go see it, it's too cool to pass up.

Gunther von Hagens created this method of preserving bodies where bodily fluids are replaced by plastics. This method can be used to preserve the whole body, or only parts of the body. The bodies can then be displayed in life-like poses, and allows the viewer to see how each organ and muscle 'fits' with the rest.

My favorite exhibit was one in which they only preserved the blood vessels of the head and brain. It can be found here, they won't let me post it on my blog. (They say that they will sue me, and I don't have $1500 plus attorney fees--if I did, I would send it to them, and post the pic. They don't mention any legal action about links to the pic, which can be found from their website anyway, so I figure I'm safe. **Please don't sue me, I don't have any money.**)

They have a collection of fetuses from only a few weeks old (Where it looks like a small snot ball--I really hope that the dissector didn't have allergies, and sneezed at the wrong time. That would have been really unfortunate.) to right before birth. All the major organs are displayed, and many with diseases and tumors. I got to see a cross-section of a leg with "smoker's leg" and an ulcer. In short, it was soooooooooo cool! I'm really glad that I went.

At any rate, I think that everyone should go see the 'bodies without skin'. It is well worth the $23 to get in. Be sure to plan for it, though. The website says it takes 90 min. It would be a miracle if you could go through it in that much time. It took me over two hours!

Got Wisdom?

So, now that you have taken the wisdom quiz, want to know how to get a five? Here's, in no apparent order, are the ten steps to becoming the wisest in all of the land. Sort of like the fairest of all the land, but it doesn't fade with age.

(At least according to the "Three-Dimensional Wisdom Scale--someone else might think that it's being able to write a coherent, entertaining story including: a jar of cheese whiz, Obama, three feral goats, a clothes pin, and a monkey wrench. If you do this, send it to me. I want to read!)

1. Be curious, and have your own opinions.
2. Don't settle for just the answer, find out why that's the answer.
3. Revel in the variety of life. Understand and enjoy the grey.
4. Be tolerant of others. Have compassion for all living beings.
5. Have a sincere desire to help everyone, and provide help where you can.
6. Seek to understand others, try to see things from their point of view.
7. Own your life. Take control of both your emotions and circumstances.
8. Look at all the available information before making decisions.
9. Once you make a decision, act upon it.
10. No regrets. Sure bad things happen. Learn from them, so they don't happen again.

Oddly enough, each unwise response lowers your score by 0.1. This makes 1.1 the low on the quiz, not 1. Apparently just taking the quiz increases your wisdom! To bad it's a one time deal.

12 Steps--Step 2

2. Reliance upon a higher power

I have given this notion a bit of thought. And, in truth, I am having a hard time finding a power higher than logic. Not many people know that I did all my calculus homework while watching Star Trek reruns. I found that whenever I got stuck, if I watched until the next commercial break, I would be able to figure it out during the commercials. I confess...to this day, whenever I need to think about something, I turn to Star Trek.

With this dilemma in mind, I watched my favorite old school movie, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. I settled down on the bed with the remote, wishing for stereo sound and a 20' screen. I would have had popcorn, but I was all out. My hips thanked me, while my stomach cried. It's such a boob.

And there it was...right in the beginning of the movie! A magical quote, that suddenly stood out. It is in the scene where Spock and Polaris are speaking in his quarters, early in the ill fated mission to greet the Klingons. Spock says..."Logic is only the beginning of wisdom, Polaris, not the end." I have found my higher power! Now that I have cut my teeth on logic, I need to move on to the meaty goodness of wisdom.

In the search for more wisdom (yep, you guessed it...google), I came across a quiz. This quiz scores your wisdom on a scale from 1 to 5, 1 being the lowest and 5 being the highest. I took the quiz twice, just to make sure. Both times I scored a 4.4. Clearly I have gained some wisdom in my life, but there is still room for more. Any thoughts on how to obtain 0.6 bits of wisdom?

12 Steps of Normalcy--Step 1

OK. If I am ever to join the ranks of normalcy, I will need to do it officially. If I do this piecemeal, I am afraid that I will end up somewhere stuck in the middle. That has to be worse than being at either end. I have decided to go through the 12 steps of normalcy. However, I do not know what these are. So...I googled it. This is what came up. I will repeat the steps here.

1. Admission of powerlessness
2. Reliance upon a higher power
3. Total surrender to God
4. Moral inventory
5. Admission of the exact nature of our wrongs
6. Commitment to total change
7. Prayer for total wholeness
8. Total willingness to amend
9. Making amends where possible
10. Continuing inventory
11. Prayer and meditation
12. Spiritual awakening

The reader is cautioned that these steps not only lead to normalcy, but a 'full spiritual regeneration'. I am not sure what is ment by this; but, if they will allow me to escape from the whip crack of logic, I'm game.

I'll take these steps in order, one at a time, providing a different post for each one. I can't promise any time frame for completion, as each step must happen in its own time. To rush the process would be a mockery.

I came close to completing step 1 in a previous post. Here, I will complete the process. *Ahem* My name is Jeramie, and I am a slave to logic. Nothing is more beautiful than a string of thoughts that neatly tie together, the next flowing naturally from the previous. When I find myself following such a path, my heart races, my eyes dilate, my palms get sweaty, and it's hard to breath through the excitement. I think Nick is getting jealous. Anyway...my name is Jeramie, and I am a logiaholic. I need help.

The Big Bang Theory

Big Bang Theory rocks! I believe that I mentioned in a previous post that it is my favorite current TV show, nothing rivals Star Trek. This video is the full length theme song, created by the Barenaked Ladies. The lyrics can be found here. When I first heard it (the 16 second version) I knew I would love this show!

The show is absolutely hilarious! For those of you who haven't seen it yet, I'll explain. But first, I must say, "SHAME ON YOU!" OK, chastisement over, time for education. The show is all about how these geniuses (physics post-docs at 20ish) get along with their next door neighbor, Penny. Penny is a waitress, who has aspirations of being an actress.

To those of you who have seen it, and don't think that it correctly portrays real life, let me assure you. It does! There isn't a single neurosis shown that I haven't seen displayed, many of which I struggle with to this day. There hasn't been a single situation depicted that I haven't seen in real life; most of them I have been in. (Odd, they don't seem that funny when you're in the middle of them.) If you have ever wondered how scientists function in the 'real' world, this is it. A little hyperbolized, but then most good comedies are.

This brings me to my dilemma, and my newest neurosis. I can't decide if I find this show funny because it so aptly describes the behavior of scientists in general, or my behavior specifically. Also, I have started to lie awake at night wondering why Nick is laughing. Is he laughing because of the utter craziness shown, because I am laughing, or because he can so clearly picture me in that situation. I really hope it is a combination of the first two; if it's the last one I really don't want to know.

Shawn...Shawn, who?

I've been thinking about the history of the drunk dialing today. I think that it might have gone something like this.

Morse Code:

.... . -.-*--__-... .- -.*.. .__--. -*-- -__.--. .-.. .- -. ..*.

Early Telephone:

Operator: Operator, would you like to place a call?
Guy: ...Yes....*hic*...
.....
Operator: Sir? Where would you like to call?
Guy: Hey! You sound pretty, are you blond?
.....
Operator: *exasperated* Sir, do you want to make a call?
*hears a thunk*
Operator: Sir, are you alright?
.....
Police officer: Ma'am? Sorry he bothered you. We'll take it from here.
*hears muffled over the phone* "Alright Joe, back to the drunk tank. ... No, I won't hold your hand! You know the way.

Telephone:

Sue: *sleepily* Hello?
George: *hic* Hey!
Sue: George? Is that you?
George: *hic*
Sue: Is everything alright? It's 3 in the morning.
George: Your really pretty!
Sue: Get some sleep, George. *hangs up*

Cell Phone:

Karen: Bob, what's wrong?
Bob: Where are you?
Karen: It's 2 am! Where do you think? I'm in bed.
Bob: Want some company?
Karen: *Hangs up*

Now, the real reason for this post. Today I got a text at 2 am. It said, and I quote, "Hey girl how u been" I was miffed, to put it nicely. If you text me at 2 in the morning it had better be either a life/death situation, or I'm sleeping through the second coming. I'm flexible, either will work. The only thing I could think of was, "Who is this idiot, who woke me up at 2 to ask how I've been? And, do they seriously expect me to respond with anything other than 'asleep'?"

I was good, however, and asked who this poor fool was. I was even nice about it. His response, again I quote, "Shawn Is this that super fine girl from the fair" Again, I was good, and told him that he had the wrong number. I felt bad for him; it must be hard being that stupid. I hung up thinking, "Nobody is hot at 2 in the morning. Go to bed." The text he send back was gibberish (I believe that the general idea was that I am a cutie). It left no doubt in my mind that he was in high school, and I wasn't...haven't been in 10 years...and would kill myself before going back.

When did I get to be so old?

It's just a movie?

Do you watch How I Met Your Mother? It comes on right after Big Bang Theory, which has to be the funniest TV show ever made. It provides quite the intercostal workout. Anyway...I digress.

This week's episode had Ted introducing his new fiance to Star Wars, his all time favorite movie. As with anyone who is over 25 and sees Star Wars for the first time, she hated it. She told to Ted's best friend how stupid the movie was. He explained to her that Star Wars is extremely important to Ted, and she would have to pretend to like it for the rest of her life. That's when I said it. I said the unforgivable. I said..."It's just a movie." To Nick: a generation may identify with believes, ideas, philosophies, and concepts put forth in a particular movie; but the movie itself is just a movie. Yes, this also includes The Lord of The Rings Trilogy and the Star Trek Saga (two cinematic giants that I am very passionate about).

However, as bad as my sin apparently is (I have yet to be forgiven), I believe that the first unpardonable sin was Nick's. He assumed that just because I am an avid Star Trek fan, that I like Star Wars. To me this is like saying, "Oh, you like oranges; you must like kumquats then." In my opinion, Star Wars makes an enormous mistake. It assigns morality to things that are not sentient, ie: the force. How can a force, or power, be evil? How can it have a dark side? I can understand that it can be used to do evil, but does that make the power in itself evil? Should you forgo areas of research and learning because they can be misused? I don't have answers, I only have beliefs. Beliefs which are different enough to those in Star Wars that I don't like it.

That, and no matter what anyone says, I will go to my grave saying that Star Wars is fantasy, not science fiction.

Watch that first step...it's a doosey

I have taken the first step to achieving my dream of normalcy; I read a book. Not just any book, but an incredibly stupid (although funny) book. A book that was written for high school students. I swear, I dropped at least 10 IQ points! *groans* Now I'll never find a job!



I started this journey a few months ago, and just completed it this weekend. To it's credit, this book was a great bathroom book. Very short chapters, and easy to pick up and put down. I once tried reading Steven King in the bathroom. That didn't work well...my butt still hasn't forgiven me. Good thing that I was living at home, or my roommates might have lynched me.



What did I like about this book?

1. Gems such as "You're the one with almost an MBA...You should know what to do." Lash's reply, "They don't cover what to do with a dead hooker...That's a whole different program. Political Science, I think." and "He rocks my stripy socks." (Although I think I remember hearing that somewhere before...Oh well.) Oh...we can't forget the quote on the side bar!


2. The supporting actress...Abby Normal.


3. It is very witty. Maybe not Archie Goodwin witty, but witty none the less.


4. I don't know how it kept my attention. Frequently I would stop and think, "This book is stupid. Why am I reading it?" Then I would read a few more lines...and all would become clear.


5. The Star Trek like un-ending. Moore manages to tie everything up, and yet you are still wondering how it all ends.


6. The first paragraph, I"ll quote: "You b*tch, you killed me! You suck!"


7. It made me laugh. Not just once or twice...but many times.


8. One word...vamplets.


9. And finally...any book that shaves a 35 lbs cat, and then puts it in a sweater, is a must read!

Now, if I've done my job correctly, you all will run out and read this book. Then, among my friends, I won't have lost any IQ points...but I will still be able to blend better with the general population. One step down, if AA is to be believed, 11 to go. Any suggestions on what the next step should be?

Pink...Tacos?

I watched "Legally Blond" once. I remember being struck by a sudden thought half way through..."This should be a horror flick, everything is pink!" Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with the color pink. It has it's place...healthy gum tissue, a kitten's tongue, Klingon blood. Most people would be shocked to learn that I even used to wear pink. We all do crazy things in our childhood.

It used to be that you could count on a few things in this world to not be pink. Trucks, camouflage, hummers, guns, guy food....well, you get the idea. In junior high school, I saw a pink truck. I was in shock for a week. What would possess someone to do that to their truck! If they didn't like it, they shouldn't have bought it! Then came pink camo. I still can't figure out why you would want pink, purple, or any other psychedelic color of camo. I had a long-sleeved camo shirt once. It was green; it also had sparkles. I threw it away when I couldn't wash the sparkles off. A few years ago, I saw a pink hummer. It brought fond memories of one of Steven King's first movies "Extreme Machines." If ever was there a car made for that movie, this was it. And yes, I have seen a pink shotgun. I felt bad for it. It was so getting picked on by the turkey guns.

Taco Bell has a new taco. Nick was so excited about it, he called me at 3 to make dinner plans. On the way to pick up the new Volcano Taco, I had to question Nick about it. I asked the usual questions...Where did you hear about it?...What is it?...Would you like me to leave you alone with it? He gave the usual answers...A commercial, he was so excited that he called me right after it finished...It's really, REALLY hot...Thanks, but that won't be necessary. They won't notice that I'm in the room.

We tried the taco...well, he tried the taco. My poor stomach isn't made of cast iron, more like stressed aluminum. I consider it a major accomplishment that I no longer have to take Tums after every meal. Any way...I digress. He was disappointed in the taco, it wasn't hot. And, the Mountain Dew he had with dinner let him stay up all night thinking about how he ate a 'pink taco.' We had to go back. Eating a pink taco is disturbing, but eating a hot pink taco is manly. I don't get it.



**Thanks Taco Bell, for the use of your pic. I didn't think that you would mind.**

Why do I Bother?

I consider myself a very logical person. Frequently this trait is the cause of much hilarity among my friends. While I was growing up, my mom would often tell me that I was "applying logic where it doesn't belong." Now she just gives me a pitiful look; apparently there are some habits I will never out grow.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the Darwin Awards. I have yet to come close to understanding what these poor, poor people were thinking. I have come to the conclusion that I need to ask myself one question. "Why do I bother?" Here are a few examples:

The graduate student across the hall from me is one of the lecturers for the Freshman Chemistry labs. She as 9 sections, with 300 students (at last count) and 4 TAs. She is also the TA for the Chem 1010 online course, and is in charge of AMES (college chemistry for high school students). And she is supposed to do research...when? In all 2 hours of her free time, no doubt. I'm sorry...you're right, I hyperbolize. She won't have that much free time.

In St. George, man robbed a bank. After getting the money, he went to visit family and then walked the streets. The police found him standing on the corner near his house, waiting for them.

One of Dr. Eyring's undergraduate students got his BS in Chemistry, and continued on to medical school. He became a pathologist. Ten years later, he decided that he didn't like the amount of paperwork, and became a potato farmer. (There was some mention of not liking to cut up dead babies, but I'm sure that's not important here.) That lasted for a few years before he got disgusted with the pay, and he went to law school. Now he is a lawyer, who specializes in malpractice suits.

Back in the day, if a St. Georgian wanted a pet they would drive out to the Arizona strip and grab a tortoise. If it ran away, no big deal--you go get another one. If it got too big, no big deal--leave the fence open, it runs away, and we know how to fix that. This practice has caused the BLM to 'reserve' large areas of land, in southern Utah, for the tortoise. A tortoise that wasn't in Utah before we brought it there.

Have you ever watched the "sidewalking" segment of the Tonight Show? Every single time I do, I wonder how these people have survived for so long. Shouldn't they have forgotten how to breath long before now? I like to think that he screens them by asking "Would you ever vote for Ron Paul?"

I'm sure that by now you see my frustration. What is this world coming to? How am I supposed to be able to find a place in it? I...who's favorite part of Geometry and Trigonometry was the proofs...have a place in all this insanity? Am I the only one who feels completely and utterly lost among a sea of idiots?!

At this point of my rant, I would like to thank my family and friends. These wonderful people who provide a levy against the tides of insanity; the absolute gems who help me understand the insanity that leaks through. I owe every bit of sanity that I possess today to them. Some days all I want is for them to come collect it, so I can finally fit in.

Would You Call?

Dealing with tech support these past few months has reminded me, and probably them, of just why I hate dealing with them. As a pick-me-up I like to look up the stupid things that people call tech support for. I do this for several reasons.

1. I don't feel quite as stupid when the reason I called for turns out to be stupid.
2. It make me feel better when they don't understand what I am saying.
3. I don't get as frustrated when they can't find a way to fix my problem.

I make no claims to superior computer skills. I once called tech support to have them help me find where the experiment I just ran was saved, because it certainly wasn't where I told it to wait for me. While he was asking for help, I started to randomly search folders--and found it. For this reason (and others we don't need to get into), I frequently classify myself as computer illiterate. However I do know:

1. How to turn the computer on
2. How to use a mouse and
   
3. What a screen saver is.
   

Considering that these are the problems people call in for, don't you wonder about all of the problems that don't get called in? Recently an e-mail was forwarded to me describing this very same situation. I can't give it the justice it deserves, so I will refer you to the original story. Truly, I laughed until I cried!

Waldo Lives!

I love Where's Waldo. As a kid I would spend hours looking for Waldo, Wanda, their dog, and the Wizard. Once that was done, I would look for the key, bone, scroll, and other assorted items requested by the back pages. I spy follows a similar theme, and is equally loved. There is nothing better than a Where's Waldo or I spy book on a rainy day.

On the way to Smiths, Nick and I found a yard dedicated to this cause! Let me tell you, the challenge of a 3-D environment was very much appreciated.

We searched for ten minutes until we found Waldo. Along the way, we found all the beach balls. After finding Waldo, we continued home. However, we had to come back. This yard had to be blogged about!

Taking pictures gave us the chance to find all the straw hats, the bucket wearing sunglasses, and the flip flops. I wasn't able to find the smiley face, unless that was Waldo--he was smiling. And counting to 12 was enough of a deterrent to keep me from looking for the bats.

I don't know who should be commended more...the guy who thought up the idea...the guys who strung up all the toys...or the neighbors who are saint enough not to demand that it get cleaned up. In any case, I totally enjoyed the experiment. Oh...I just found the smiley face!

**Disclaimer**

If this is your yard and you would like the pics removed just let me know. No one was home on the Saturday afternoon that we walked by, otherwise I would have asked for permission.

Reclaiming Your Youth

So...I was telling a friend about my colorful knee, and she said that I should blog about it. I'm not sure why...but the TGA isn't behaving, so here I am.

Let me start off by saying that playground equipment is fun. It is almost as fun now (the odd proportions detract from the enjoyment) as it was when I was a kid. There should be a market out there for an adult sized playground, complete...with tamed monkey bars. The kind that the kids have bite!

When Nick and I go to play on the equipment, we like to go at night. There are less little kids then. Little kids tend to get in the way and/or pick up bad habits when adults are playing. Plus, it isn't as much fun if you have to be watching out for those younger than you. Anyway...I digress...at night there also isn't much light to see by. Hence, my poor knee.

One of my favorite ways to get onto said equipment is to run up the stout slide. Every playground has one...and if it doesn't, keep moving. In this case, it was yellow. I was running toward the slide, jumped, and missed. My foot hooked the bottom of the slide, and it was considerate enough to catch my fall. As a result both knees ached and I had a goose egg forming on my shin, right at my sock line.

Never one to be deterred by defeat, I peeled myself off the slide and quickly ran up it. I then had to promptly sit down. Once I was positive that I wasn't going to cry, that would break my cool facade, we preceded to enjoy the playground. It was fun. A cargo net, several slides, monkey bars, and a fireman's pole! Nick beat me at a game of tic-tac-toe. We swung on the swings...well, I only lasted 30 seconds before getting sick. When we got bored of this playground equipment, we moved to the lighted one. It had tunnels! I dominated at tic-tac-toe. Nick was such a gentleman, he let me go first each time. Bad move if you want to win, the first player can always win. ... Something tells me that I won't get to go first three time in a row anymore. Ah, well...it was fun while it lasted.


I feel like I should apologise to all those gangly teens, near teens, and recent teens who were hoping to grow out of it. Like most good curses, it becomes less frequent but never completely goes away. However, as a consolation prize, you can have a kick-a$$ tic-tac-toe game!

Drum Circles

I once went to a drum circle at WSU. It was interesting. One kid sang the theme song for M*A*S*H, and countless others recited poetry that they wrote. When it turned into a beat poetry fest I left. I really can't stand that stuff.

I mention this because every Sunday Liberty park has a drum circle. These are usually (like most drum circles, I assume) a hippie fests. Frequently there are tie-dyed works on display, the marijuana leaf being prominently displayed. And Grandma and Grandpa hippie are usually there. They, of course, are all decked out in long hair, tie-died tank tops, and flip-flops. No, I didn't forget the pants, but it looks like they did. Luckily they are long tank tops.

Anyway, Nick and I walked around the park last night (it is now Monday). Since it was after dark, we were mildly surprised to hear the drums. We listened for a while, smelled "funny" cigarette smoke, and decided to leave. However, they started fire dancing. We walked back through the "regular" cigarette smoke to watch, luckily the "funny" was all smoked out (hence the fire dancing, I assume). They had some there that were clearly beginners, and others that were truly amazing. It was a mesmerizing sight! My favorite was the gal with a hula hoop. I think it had six fires around it, and was really cool!

P.S. This isn't the best video out there, but it does have the hula hoop!

Memories

Let's play memory. I want everyone who is reading to go get a deck of cards. ... I'm serious, go get them. Use Uno cards if you have to. ... Got them? Good.

Now, I want you to pull all of the face cards from the deck (wilds for Uno cards). While you are doing this, think of the times that we have had together. It doesn't matter how long we have known each other, or how in depth our relationship goes. Just think on the memories that you have of me. ... Got all the cards pulled? Good.

Now this game is simple. It only has two simple rules.

1. As a comment, leave a memory you have of me on my blog.

2. Re-post these instructions on your blog. If you leave a memory about me, I will leave a memory about you. If you don't have a blog, I can post a memory of you on my blog. This way, we can all take a stroll down memory lane together. If you don't want to play, just say so in your comment and I'll keep my memories of you to myself.

Yep. It's just that simple to play. Oh...the cards...sorry about that. Now that you have them, you might as well play a hand or twenty of solitaire. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer**

This is a copy of a copy of a copy...well you get the idea. I hope no one minds that I changed the wording.

Family Heirlooms

It is rather amazing what you inherit if you live in an apartment long enough. Personally, I inherited 7 half-empty bottles of Windex; yes, I counted them. And yes, they are definitely half-empty, not half-full. You'd be pessimistic too...if you inherited 7 partially filled bottles of Windex. Anyway...I digress.

Nick and I were watching Smallville (a TV series that I am completely convinced has its roots in fanfiction) at his place when there was a knock at the door. It was a gal from the ward. She said, and I quote, "... This is going to sound strange, but I have a friend here who just had to see your orange couch..." No joke. That is what she said.

She brings in this guy who is surprisingly happy to see this orange couch. I say surprisingly, because I don't think that anyone has been happy to see this couch for 40 years. He even took a picture of it! It turns out that he had bought that couch for $40 from the DI. Nick thought that he got took, but I'm not so sure. Let's look at the facts.

1. Yes, the couch is ugly. But if it wasn't so ugly, when you sit in it you might sink all the way to the floor instead of only half-way. That has to be worth at least $10.

2. It has a nice, solid frame. Considering how ugly the couch is, this may seem like a curse. However, it also makes it hard to move. I can personally name 6 guys who have moved in and out over the last few years. (In all fairness, most of them got married. If my husband suggested that we take that couch, I would do my best to convince him that the guys need it worse than we do. If that didn't work, I'd get a restraining order.) If each guy was willing to put in a one time $8 (1/5 of the original price) for a new couch, that makes the couch worth...$48!

3. And when someone finally gets sick enough of it to get a new one...it can be taken out to the desert to be shot and burned. BONFIRE!! Who can put a monetary value on pyromania?

In short, $40 was a small investment for such a great family heirloom. Much better than...oh, I don't know...let's say...7 half-empty bottles of Windex. And #3 will make a group of somebodies very happy one day!

**Thanks for the pics, Nick. You're the bestest!**

why?...Why?...WHY?

Have you ever met one of those people who are always asking why? I'm not sure if I have. But, just to be fair, I should probably admit that several of my family/friends just thought of me. I have recently found a website that could help defend against these people...the ones that are always asking why...not my family/friends. My family/friends like to put on a good show, but they are really harmless.

They are very up front and admit that they are not proposing scientific fact. I quote: "Misinformation is at the heart of all scientific inquiry. ... Once an explanation is ruled out it becomes fair game and fodder for sites like this... This site makes no apologies for dissemination of bogus facts, half-truths, shaky hypotheses and downright malicious lies, innuendo, tomfoolery and even shenanigans." It's a good thing...since this is exactly what they are trying to feed you.

Some of my favorites are why is...the grass green, water wet, steel stainless, and metal shiny. Also worthy to note is their discussion on light speed, a blog, and where babies come from. I am proud to say that they seem to hold to the same philosophy that I do; If you don't know the answer, make it up.

Before you check it out, you probably should know that they get a little silly...that's an understatement. And...hopefully...I have managed to drain at least a small corner of the swamp.

Tag, YOUR IT!

I've been tagged!

Ten years ago:

I had just graduated from Dixie Jr. College, now Dixie State College (they went 4 year). I was planning on going to WSU, where I would become a criminalist. My goal was to work on a body farm, or become a medical examiner. I didn't know that you had to be either an Anthropology major or a MD.

5 things on my to do list:

1. Get my thesis published.
2. Find a real job.
3. Figure out why I still haven't received the part I ordered almost 3 weeks ago.
4. Get the TGA fixed.
5. Send Jessie's planters to her.

Things I would do if I was a millionaire:

1. Play with a tiger cub
2. Pay off debt
3. Invest
4. Visit the black and the mutter museums
5. Spend the night at the Winchester manor
6. Start a scholarship fund
7. Make a crop circle
8. See Jeremy Bentham
Above all else...HAVE FUN

Places I have lived:

1. Avendale, AZ (barefooted outside on Christmas day, Yea!)
2. Lovelock, NV (only there for 2 months, and horses stink)
3. Martin, SD (it starts to snow, and they close school)
4. Ivans, UT (red dirt, only bleach will take it out)
5. Kanab, UT (home of the 'pink bridge')
6. Kearns, UT (as a kid, the only place where I graduated from the same school I started at)
7. Odgen, UT (moved there twice, about 20 years apart)
8. Salt Lake City, UT (still here)
9. St. George, UT (seems like every other move I end up back there)
I don't think that I left anywhere out...but it's possible.

Now for the difficult part. I'm supposed to tag 5 people. I only read 4 blogs (not including my own). And half of those have been tagged already. So...if you haven't been tagged, guess what? Tag, your it!

Advanced Math?

The other day I had to obtain a copy of my transcripts for a job application. I figured that I would double check the graduation requirements, since I had to get a copy anyway. I need a total of 30 credits, 12 of which can be research. I got the gears in my head working, and figured out that I needed 28 classroom credits.

Turning to my transcripts I started counting. Yep, 12 research credits. Ok...3...6...21...WHAT only 22 classroom credits!?! I started to get worried. When I first checked this out, two semesters ago, I had more than enough. I had lost at least 6 credits! I forced myself to calm down, and I checked each class. Yep, they were all there. Now what? I AM SHORT 6 CREDITS FOR GRADUATION!!

My first thought was "Ok, it isn't second term yet, maybe I can sign up for something...anything to get my credits." However, after checking the schedule I became acutely aware of why graduate students only sign up for research during summer semester. Classes are not offered.

My second thought was "Oh $hit! I have to tell my advisor that I am 6 credits short for graduation. He is going to rip me a new one!" I would do anything to avoid this...I like my butt the way it is. So, I moved on to the third thought.

My third thought was to double check my math. Let's see 30 - 12 = ... 18. You're kidding me! I couldn't have made that mistake. I got out the calculator just to make sure. Yep...18. Whew. I'm really glad that I didn't send that e-mail. I can see the whole conversation now...He would be trying his hardest not to laugh while saying, "You know that masters degree we are giving you? Never mind." I would than have had to defend myself by saying, "At least it's a mistake Einstein would have made."

The moral of the story? Don't do advanced math when you have just spent 5 hours filling out a job application for the FBI. ...Or...fill out online job applications bare footed, and with a buddy. I guess it would depend on how bad your shoes stink.


*Thanks go to whoever posted this pic on facebook, so I could steal it. If it's yours, and you want it removed, just let me know.*

FYI

Did you know that...

(1) Impressing a girl/guy can be deadly? One day Molly and her husband checked into a hotel. When Molly saw the extremely thin rail that ran around the balcony, she was ecstatic. She could impress her husband with her gymnastic ability. While I'm sure that the back flip onto the rail was flawless, her balance wasn't.

Two guys (we can call them Hans from Germany, and Bob from Ohio) tried impressing their gals with a very macho showing of strength. They decided that since there was a really high balcony, they would do pull-ups. I really hope that Bob didn't read about his buddy on the Darwin awards, and think he could do better.

(2) After you've impressed your significant other, making out on the rooftop is not a good idea. Linda and Chester found this out the hard way.

(3) Katrina Chalifoux created a wedding dress made entirely of Charmin and tape, for a toilet paper wedding dress contest. I hope the bride doesn't sweat when she gets nervous. But if she has allergies she's covered...at least for a little while.

(4) If you trace your family tree back 25 generations, you will have idenified 33,554,432 direct ancestors.

(5) 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

(6) The town of Los Angeles, California, was originally named El Pueblo la Nuestra Senora de Reina de los Angeles de la Porciuncula.

(7) There are more collect calls on Father's day than any other day of the year.

(8) A German World War II submarine was sunk due to malfunction of the toilet.

(9) What could possibly be the largest living organism in the world is a fungus. It was discovered in the Malheur National Forest, in Oregon, and is estimated to cover 2,200 acres.

(10) June 20th is the happiest day of the year. Cliff Arnell has devised a scientific equation that takes into account physical and emotional stress factors. His research was funded by Wells Ice Cream.

And now we come to the purpose of this blog entry. Those of you who have seen The Bucket List will understand what I mean when I say "The cats beat me to it."

SQUIRRELS!!!

Ok, I wasn't going to post for a while...but I was looking for this song, and found this delightful music video instead! It's totally hilarious, and everyone should see it at least once. I've already watched it 3 times! But that doesn't excuse anyone.

Arachnophobia

This post is in hopes that I can help my little sister with her arachnophobia. While I still maintain that it is not my fault that she has arachnophobia (what fun could be had by throwing little balls of black string at her, if she didn't shriek like a banshee), I believe that I may be able to help her work out this fear.

I guess I should start by stating my credentials. Don't give me that look! I do have 'spider experience.' I had a pet spider for 3 years. A wolf spider. This spider lived on the side of our house. We would still be friends today, if I hadn't moved. I would talk to this spider. I have always found it helpful to tell problems to someone, not for a solution--but to get a better handle on the problem. Our conversations were always so very one-sided, though. I felt bad about this. I consoled myself by believing that if the spider wanted to talk, I would listen. Now that I have been self-certified as the spider guru, on to the therapy.

(1) Spiders that come into the house are committing suicide. They want to die, and you are doing them a favor by ending it quickly for them. In Jr. High, I had a basement bedroom. The number of spiders that liked to bite me at night was astonishing! At that time, I made a pact with all spiders. When I am outside, they are allowed to try and kill me. However, if they come inside I am allowed to try to kill them. If they leave their friends out of it, I won't recruit help either. These odds seemed a little one-sided to me. Just to even things up, I have to have shoes on. Since making this pact, the number of spiders I come across when I am barefooted has skyrocketed. I believe this to be the spiders' acceptance. You would to, if you knew that I wear shoes almost every waking hour.

(2) Spiders live a painful existence. Spinning a web can not be comfortable. Let's see...you pull some thread out of your butt, hang from it until you can swing wide enough to reach the next branch, and repeat a billion times over your life time. Of course this is assuming that there isn't a strong wind, which pulls that thread out much faster than you originally intended. Can you say OUCH! We are doing them a favor by sending them to spider heaven. There pigs have to spin the webs, to repay Charlotte.

(3) If logic won't persuade you, let superstition be your guide. Let's see not killing/seeing a spider can bring: money, good luck, health, joy, and hope. However it can also bring: sorrow, anxiety, bad luck, death, personally catastrophic events, new secret enemies, and misfortune. Killing a spider can bring: good or bad luck, and rain. There's the delightful bonus that you no longer have to live with the spider. I'd say the bad side of not killing the spiders far out weighs the good side.

(4) Has this worked? If not, maybe you can benefit from WikiHow! I bet there are at least seven or eight untested methods here that you haven't tried.

(5) Still afraid? At least you know that you are not quite as bad off as this gal. She's willing to pimp herself out for a good spider killer! Please excuse the profanity; I'm sure she doesn't know any better.

(6) What if you just want to kill spiders, but need to give them a fighting chance? Let the diatoms do the dirty work for you! Just call 1-800-DIATOMS.

And as always, you should be glad that I didn't have access to this story when I was 12. Boy, I could have and fun with that one! If I had this story and a small plastic spider, I would have thought I died and went to heaven!

Social Reminiscing

Most people are surprised to learn that my boyfriend is the first guy that I have dated. I'm not sure why. I would have thought that Chemistry Graduate Student would have said it all. I am socially awkward. I have no clue as to what to say, do, or even how to act most of the time. Even church taxes my limited social skills. I really don't know how my boyfriend puts up with it. He probably finds it amusing.

Those of you who haven't seen me must be thinking, "Oh...she must be stunningly beautiful." Sadly, this is not the case. While I don't think that I am ugly, I don't really think that I am beautiful either. I guess I would describe myself as pleasant looking, I don't turn heads either way.

So, I thought I would share my early dating experiences. This way, you all can all share with me the sense of wonder that I actually have a boyfriend. You can also wince with me, as I relate my past dating experiences. More often than not, I feel more sorry for the guy than I do for myself.

The first date I went on was in high school. My AP Chemistry lab partner asked me out. He also was one of my little sister's best friends. I was wearing my favorite pair of black denim shorts. Which unbeknown to me, I split the butt out of. I found this out an hour after he brought me home. Sad, I loved those shorts.

At Dixie Jr. College (now Dixie State), I got involved with Lambda (the LDS church sorority). We were going around to the dorms to promote rush week with Sigma (the fraternity). The guy I was with showed an interest in me. He was even pleasant to talk to...until he said that he "wanted a trench coat so I can carry a sawed-off shot gun." I really didn't want to talk with him after that.

My first day at WSU there was this guy who followed me around all day, and he even tried to get chummy with my dad. I didn't notice (at least until he started talking with my dad), but my mom did. While at career services, I over heard him talking to the receptionist. He wanted to get a business degree so he could go home and run the family bar. Such ambition! He asked me out...right after he introduced himself. Needless to say, I didn't go. The next semester he showed up in a few of my criminalistics classes. I have never been more happy than when I saw him locking lips with another girl outside of class! He didn't come to class anymore after that. Double yea! He aksed really stupid questions.

Now we are at the U. My home teacher called on a Saturday night. I had just spent 12 hours at the lab, and was completely exhausted. That week, 12 hours was a light day. He asked if I wanted to go to music and the spoken word. Had it been any other day I would have said yes; I would have recognized that he was asking me out. But that day my brain was jelly, and all I could think of is that church wasn't until noon and I really wanted to sleep in. I was seriously considering skipping church for some therapeutic video games.

The next guy to ask me out was a really great guy. We became really good friends. We went to a Jazz festival in the park. He had to leave at the beginning to give a blessing. The concert was good, and I felt really bad that he missed it. The next day was the last day of the festival, and he asked me again. Scheduling was hectic, and the whole night was stressful. It wasn't until a few months later, that I realized that it was a date. But like I said, I have the social skills of a jelly fish. I had no clue what to do, so I ignored it.

The next guy to ask me out was my boyfriend. Now that you all know my learning curve, I'm sure you all have a new sense of awe that he puts up with me. Unfortunately, I am still as oblivious as ever! It's a good thing he keeps a 2 x 4 around.

Global warming, revisited

I have been heard!! And the polar bears are leading the front lines in the war on global warming! I am a little concerned, however, about this type of solution. It was never my plan to endorse the utter annihilation of the penguin. I also never realized the extreme animosity that the polar bear has for the penguin. There are very few things that I love enough to walk half way around the world to get; and, I can not imagine hating something enough to do it!

As disturbing as this new development in polar bear behavior is, it is not what concerns me. What I am concerned about it the massive amounts of 'penguin gas' that will be released all at once. So far we have seen only small amounts being released, and some researchers believe that the results of that have been devastating. I hate to think what this latest development is going to do to the global climate. Please, polar bears, stop and think about your actions. You live in this world too.

*Thanks go to Jen, who passed along the e-mail that I stole this photo from. If it's yours, and you want me to remove it, just let me know.*

Fears of the Heart

So, this will be the last post for a while. For those of you who don't know (which is probably just about everyone) I defend my masters thesis in a little over a week. I am scared $hit less!

In truth, I feel ready. I just can't get rid of this fear that I am going to be completely torn to shreds. That I will get up there, say and do everything right, and still fail. I gave the first dry run in front of my adviser Monday. It went really well for a first dry run. There was minimal changes to my slides, and I left feeling really good about it. His advise was pretty standard. Stand up straight!...Don't snap your gum!...Are you reading your slides!?...I can't hear you!...You have too many slides. Just kidding, he was really helpful. He had me flip through my slides as he talked, showing me where I could save time. The only disturbing thing is that if I don't talk to the back right corner of the room, he is going to stand there so I will. I'm not sure why he wants that corner to feel included, but I'm willing to accommodate. Your adviser is like your mother, when he's happy everyone's happy.

The second dry run was Wednesday. It went even better. I had made the changes to my slides, and was even able to run through all 23 of them in half an hour! My adviser ask some mock questions (the kind designed to trip you up and make you look like a babbling idiot) and I was able to answer most of them successfully. It wasn't until half an hour afterward that I noticed that I had toothpaste down the front of my shirt! I really hope that this is not a sign of things to come! At least it was on the bottom corner, and not down the middle.

All this fear has led me to believe that I need a good luck charm (hence the pic). I'm not sure what makes an adequate good luck charm. All I really know that rabbit's feet don't work. I mean, the rabbit had four of them and look what happened to him. I have decided that for my defense, the Groundhog of Science would make a wonderful good luck charm. This way, if it doesn't work out I can blame it all on him. After all, he's a groundhog. What could he possibly know about science!


P.S.
Don't feel bad if you didn't know that I was defending. I haven't had time to breath, much less spread the news. They only reason I have time to blog, is that I am currently waiting on an undergraduate. Well, got to go. I need to be in St. George this weekend for CE's farewell. I'm really proud of him.

Got Spring?

Spring is here, at least in the Salt Lake Valley. Inspired by a friend's blog, and the subsequent comment war that I tried to start with said friend's new bride, I thought I would list a few of the things that mean spring to me. So, in addition to the trees budding and the flowers blooming...

The forsythia is in full bloom. You might say "Hey! Wait a minute, doesn't that plant bloom in February?" Yes, yes it does. And shortly following this blessed event my allergies surge. And, of course, the brilliant yellow flowers insure that everyone in town has at least one bush in their yard. How wonderful.

Hay fever has started. I have been asked by no less than four people this week if I have hay fever. At the change of seasons, any season, I give up trying to keep my nose and sinuses clear. Instead I focus upon keeping the head and earaches to a minimum. Seventy dollars worth of drugs a month, and I still have a freaking headache!

Skeet hunting. Last weekend we had the first trap shoot of the season. The weekend before it snowed four inches. Well....ok, maybe not four inches, but you get the point.

The new diet fads are coming out. My sister sent me a text message today that said you could lower the fat content of your burger by 40% if you mixed prunes into the meat. We agreed to leave geriatric burgers to those who are over seventy or severely constipated. Don't worry, I'll assume that time has been very good to you.

The Salt Lake City Marathon is tomorrow. That means that, because of the road closures, the graduate student across the hall from me has to leave her house at 5 am in order to get to campus before noon. Absolutely insane, it is a 15 minute drive! Boy am I glad I'm not helping with the Science Olympiad. Although I live further north, so I'm not boxed in like she is...

Last Tuesday it was snowing off and on. Around 6 pm I realized that it was snowing but, I could smell wet pavement. I refuse to call that smell 'rain'; 'rain' smells like wet sage brush and creosote.

As my friend mentioned, Baseball has started. In general, I am not a fan of spectator sports. Normally I don't notice the beginning and ending of a season, but the stadium is on the way to Wal-Mart. If you want to go to Wal-Mart right before or after a game, it takes twice as long to get there.

Which leads me to my favorite one. Wal-Mart has bathing suits on sale. You can't miss them; they're right next to the winter coats.

I'm sorry

This blog entry is an apology of sorts. I have come to realize that sometimes I am not as politically correct as society dictates, or even at all. So, in no apparent order, I have picked several things over the years that I really shouldn't have said or done. They all start with those very important words that everyone finds it so hard to say...

I'm sorry that I...

1. blew up a can of A&W cream soda. I'm even more sorry it was in front of my boyfriend, who won't let me live it down.
2. told my brother "Then go to hell" in sacrament meeting. I probably shouldn't have taken my mother's subsequent laughter as encouragement.
3. have a cat that is flipping the bird as my IM portrait. Not sorry enough to change it, but sorry none the less.
4. learned that my little brother is so susceptible to suggestion that I could tickle him from across the room.
5. made fun of Joesph Smith's double underlining of the phrase "the pure in heart." It really could have been just a reminder to check the spelling.
6. got my roommate evicted. You'd think that after 50 years of life you would figure out that some behavior just isn't acceptable.
7. convinced my sister that if she didn't do everything I said her 'eye jelly' would fall out and she would go blind.
8. unmercifully abused #4.
9. knocked on the window of the van so I could throw a snowball at the kind lady who was willingly giving us a ride home from school. Honestly, she looked bored.
10. suggested "We kicked your butt" for the cheer after a church basketball game. It did seem like an all around summary of the game. It was a massacre.
11. threw little black balls of string at my sister while yelling SPIDER. I was even more sorry when she stopped reacting.
12. got thrown out of the ball pit at Chucky Cheese. I don't remember it being that much fun when I was little, maybe it was just the banishment.
    

Well, that's my list. If you were hoping to see something here, and didn't, let me know. I'll tack it on. This is not a plea for forgiveness, just a realization that I may need some. I'm really not sorry enough to be forgiven.

SSDD

07:00--Alarm clock goes off. I really didn't get enough sleep. Oh good...roommate just got into shower. Hit snooze.
07:30--Now I really have to get up.
07:35--Other roommate is in the bathroom. Maybe today is a good day to start eating breakfast.
07:45--Get into the shower. If I hurry I could catch the next bus to campus.
08:05--It's snowing! It was in the 60's yesterday! Where did I hide the zip-out fleece for my coat?
08:15--Zip-out fleece is installed. Pack workout bag, I really need to workout today. Pack pockets. Look out the window in disgust. Where's that stupid flash drive?
08:25--Ready to go...bus left 5 minutes ago. Oh well...now I can make my bed.
08:50--Leave to catch bus. I really don't want to go to school today. There's a quarter of an inch of snow on the ground, and it's still going strong! I hate snow.
09:05--Bus is late. Figures. I probably could have caught the last one.
09:12--Greeted by fellow graduate student. Did I know that it is 70 in St. George? Funny.
09:13--Glare at TGA. I have to switch furnaces today. That means I have to find the stabilization screw that I lost 6 months ago, and didn't bother to look for. Don't tell my advisor. Damn it! I forgot my workout clothes!
09:14--Hmmm....maybe this plate would come off.
09:15--It's dark in there. Where's that flashlight...Oh, this lamp will do.
09:16--Damn it! No screw. Lots of wires though. Probably should unplug TGA before I go poking around. School isn't supposed to be a religious experience.
09:17--Maybe screw would be easier to find if I remove the furnace.
09:25--Furnace removed. Still no screw. Is it possible for it to have fallen behind the furnace?
09:26--Need a screwdriver to remove back panel. Where did it get put last?
09:28--Got it! Now I just need to climb on top of the desk, go around the computer.....maybe I won't need to go to the gym today after all.
09:30--Back panel removed. No screw, isn't even possible for screw to fall there. Replace back panel.
09:32--Turn power off. Jiggle wires. Ah...Found the stupid screw. Replace the panel and start TGA back up.
09:35--Attempt to install new furnace.
09:40--Maybe furnace would be easier to install, if MS capillary isn't still attached. Now I just need two wrenches...
09:45--Capillary removed. Time to try again.
09:50--What is it hung up on now!! Oh...installed stabilization screw wrong. Try again.
09:55--Success!! Now it just needs to be calibrated...
09:56--Jared (fellow graduate student I'm supposed to train on the TGA) shows up. Good. I'll introduce him to the software by running the calibration.
10:30--One out of two calibration points obtained. Looks really good. Damn it! I forgot to switch to the new purge gas flow rates! Oh well, he isn't collecting real data today anyway. I'll redo the calibration later. Just got to let the furnace cool down so it can be opened...shouldn't be too long.
11:30--Oh yeah...this furnace cools down/heats up really slow. That's why we switched to the other one.
11:45--Next calibration point started. Jared has a lecture on glaciers to go to. He invites me...boy I wish I had time to go to a lecture I'm not interested in.
11:50--Finally have time to check e-mail. Advisor still hasn't forwarded e-mail about the chemical engineering research group who's TGA blew up on them. Send friendly reminder.
12:00--Start working on defense slides. They'll probably have to be rewritten once I get my thesis back from advisor, but it's something to do.
12:20--Check on TGA calibration. It's done...looking really good. TGA probably doesn't have to be recalibrated. Need to let the oven cool so I can see how accurate it is at room temperature. Back to slides.
13:00--Oven cooled enough to open. Cools faster this way. Back to slides.
13:15--Nice, oven cooled. Room temperature calibration looks good. Don't have to mess with the calibration. Back to slides.
13:45--Jared comes back. Must have gotten lunch. I'm hungry. Time for lunch.
14:00--Bring lunch back to the office, union is too crowded. Check e-mail. Oh, got e-mail from advisor. Forwaring to engineering student and her advisor. Add note: "I'm a slave who has too much to do. Please give me more work."
14:10--Oh yeah, I got lunch.
14:20--I haven't done the online puzzle yet. Yea...something fun to do.
14:30--That was quick. I'll do last weekends.
14:50--Yea! It was a circular one, they're harder. Go check on Jared. Everything is fine. Back to slides.
15:00--Dad bought two stuffed sheep at Wal-Mart. He sent me a pic. He looked up, online, what type of sheep they are. That's how they got their names. ...Ok...back to slides.
16:30--That Pepsi with lunch is really getting to me. Time for a potty break. I'm bored of slides...time to check the fan fic I've been following.
16:45--Nothing new. Time to go back to slides.
17:00--Two other graduate students come by. They want to look at the data that they collected yesterday. Jared is still using the TGA, they decide to come back later. Back to slides.
17:30--Crap. There was a lecture I was going to go to half an hour ago. Oh well, I was only mildly interested anyway. I'm bored of slides. Time to surf the net.
17:45--Graduate students come back. Let them into the lab. Back to slides, I'm almost half done. It's hard condensing forty pages into easy to read slides.
18:00--Jared has a question. Easily answered, thankfully. His mom is in town. Lucky dog...he gets a home cooked meal.
18:30--I'd better leave if I don't want to walk home. Last bus from campus leaves in 10 minutes.
19:00--My boyfriend calls. "Big Bang Theory" is online! Yea! I get to see it, even if the stupid VCR didn't record it. Mmmm...pizza sounds good.
19:45--Pizza was good. "Big Bang Theory" was funny. Not as funny as last week, but funny. Reminds me of why I don't lie; it's just too much work. "How I met your mother" sounds good.
20:30--"How I met your mother" was funny.
20:48--Everyone's day was average. Told sheep story. Learned that sheep like to get tangled in barbed wire fences, and buffalo like to walk through them.
20:50--I'm going to be kicked out soon. I don't want to go, that means the day is over. I have more slides to do tomorrow. Maybe if I start a tickle fight...
21:00--Only mildly successful. Maybe it would work better if I was ticklish.
21:15--Arrive home. Now I have to say goodnight. Sad. But he hasn't shaved for a few days, so bearable.
21:30--Turn on computer. Time to check out my friends' blogs. I wonder how Deetzland is doing?
22:00--Nothing new. Deetzland is thriving. 92 citizens, everyone gets their own house. I counted. No one posted to my blog either. Maybe I should do something about that. Just got to think of something to say...
22:15--Got this really dumb idea. Now I'm blogging...
23:00--Just got to spell check, then I can get ready for bed. Maybe play 15 min of video games....we all know it's never just 15 min.

This bud's for you

Dear Moral Reprobate,

While I congratulate your eagerness to leave your mark on the world, I do not think that my car is the appropriate place. Can't you find a street sign, or fire hydrant somewhere to vandalize? There is a stop sign about half a block away from where I park. Maybe you need glasses.

I understand that accidents sometimes happen. It is a sad thing that when we don't have the proverbial balls to own up to our mistakes. Couldn't you have left a note? Do I need to keep pen and paper outside of my car, as well as inside? I am assuming you do know how to read and write; after all most five-year-olds can write their name and phone number. Do you enjoy being morally egregious?

I would offer you a cold one, but you probably wouldn't want it. Considering the mood I'm in, spit would be the nicest thing I would put in it!




*whew* I really feel better now. You guys should really try this! It works.

Leap Year Equality

I came across some interesting trivia today, and thought I would share. Should anyone care to check the source, something that I am ashamed to admit that I did not do, the story can be found here http://marriage.about.com/cs/holidays/a/leapyear.htm

In 1288, Scotland passed a law that allowed women to propose marriage on February 29th. Included in the law was a penalty for any man who declined. The penalty could range from a kiss to payment for a silk dress or a pair of gloves. So...how many of you gals out there would like a silk dress? You have 6 hours and 56 minutes to fund it...6 hours and 50 minutes...

SAoS

While playing on line, JLD found a list of facts about Bill Nye. The list can be found here http://billnyefacts.googlepages.com/. In one of the heavily embellished stories about his social life, a Teddy Bear of Science is mentioned. We decided that we needed teddy bears of science. Since not all are partial to teddy bears, I have taken the liberty of expanding the genera to include all stuffed animals. Presto! SAoS (Stuffed Animals of Science) are born!

Now, you may ask, "What makes a true SAoS?" There are three criteria that every SAoS must conform to. The stuffed animal in question must:

1. be made/purchased with the specific intent on becoming a SAoS (no retrofitting, please),
2. contain within it something that the scientific community uses regularly, and
3. must wear one of two things (bonus points if both are present) a bow tie displaying a terminal bachelor pattern, or a lab coat.

Glasses and other accessories are a nice touch, but entirely optional. On impulse several years ago, I bought a pack of wallet-sized periodic tables. Armed with these, we went to build-a-bear. We had begun the first leg of our quest for the SAoS! Finding a parking spot was difficult.

PART 1: FIND PARKING. We were driving around, when we got stopped in a long line of someone waiting for a parking spot. We were patient; after all we were on the brink of obtaining the SAoS! However, the guy in the pickup truck (a rather large pickup truck) wasn't so patient. He kept backing up and maneuvering himself in really weird positions. We were half convinced that he was trying to get into a small parking spot when he signaled something to me (I was driving. I'm not that cute). JLD thought he was telling me to take the spot, and I thought that he was saying he wants the spot. Either would require me to back up, and there were four cars behind me. Besides, I really didn't want that spot. It was right at the intersection and would be difficult to get out of. He gave up, and the line eventually moved. He then proceeded to take an even smaller spot. He had to fold the driver's side mirror in, to avoid having it taken off. The trim on the side of his truck wasn't so lucky. He cursed and drove off. Our laughter over him folding his mirror in died quickly. Later, I wondered how he thought he was going to get out of his truck. Maybe he only likes to park?

PART 2: BUILD-A-BEAR. For those of you who are not familiar with build-a-bear, they don't only have bears. They have a lot of bears, some in ungodly colors and patterns. While perusing the selection, it occurred to me. Teddy bears of science are really cool, but you can't beat a GROUNDHOG OF SCIENCE! I had made my selection. It was stuffed with cotton, the second requirement (a wallet sized periodic table), and the customary heart. It was bathed (more like an air shower). Now it was time to fulfill the third requirement. I looked around the store, and then had to look around again. There were no bow ties, and the closest thing to a lab coat was a bathrobe. Disillusioned, I bought the bathrobe thinking maybe I could modify it to make it work. I then moved to the computers, to name my Groundhog of Science. At checkout I was asked if I named by groundhog. I told her "Yes, I named him Groundhog of Science." She didn't even bat an eye; she just went over and picked up the birth certificate. I wonder what she would have done if I said Bob or Digger? She probably would have had a heart attack.

PART 3: LEAVING THE PARKING STRUCTURE. We inspected the wall, and found part of the truck. We laughed (getting your car crunched is only funny after a the shock wears off), shook our heads, and got into the car. Unsurprisingly enough, there was a line leaving the parking structure. Thinking it would be a while before we could make any significant progress on leaving, we started to discuss how to modify the bathrobe and the possibility of pocket protectors. There were two parking attendants, or two really creepy guys, standing next to the exit. They noticed that I didn’t notice that the line had moved a whole two feet. They clapped and yelled at me to move forward. We were stunned. I mean, how rude! I'm no beauty, but neither do I have a tail! I was good though, and pulled up quickly.

PART 4: TAILORING. That night I proceeded to modify the previously mentioned bathrobe. After 20 minutes of work it looked like a belt less bathrobe, that has a collar instead of a hood. Needless to say, I was not impressed. I spent a few hours today running around to department and toy stores looking for a lab coat/doctor's outfit for my groundhog of science. I found only disappointment. I remember seeing such things when I was a kid. What is the world coming to, when children can no longer dress their teddy bears (or groundhogs) up to be doctors! We are depriving our children! My roommate had the wise suggestion of going on line. I did, and finally found a lab coat! It's even called a lab coat. It is being shipped as you read!

Pics of the groundhog of science to come!

Way to go, little bro!

Last Sunday my little brother (CE) was ordained an Elder in the LDS church. I so wanted to be there, but I couldn't afford to drive down. It made me sad. Today he got his mission call. He is going to serve in the Santiago, Chile mission! He leaves for the MTC on May 21st. We are so psyched for him. He is going to learn and grow so much; I envy him. *grin* I bet now he wishes that he listened to me and took Spanish, instead of German, in high school.

I almost forgot. Being the good big sister that I am, when he first started planning on a mission, I would tease him about serving on temple square. He was really disgusted with this; he wanted to go foreign. My response to that was "Then you'll go to Canada." Glad to be wrong.

*thanks go to JLD for the title suggestion*

The shame of it all!

Last night (since it is now this morning--don't believe the posted time. I don't know what blogspot.com is smoking, but we'll have a party when I figure it out.) I had the hierarchy of soda explained to me. And he did it with a straight face!

Nick and I were eating dinner at A&W. Since A&W also is KFC you have to get chicken. The potpie is the best, but I was trying the Caesar salad. It was good, not as good as the potpie though. And since it is A&W, you also have to get a root beer float. Yum! We were finishing our meal, and I was getting too full for my float. This always happens to me. Why do they have to make meals so big? After I explained this, Nick said that I had to finish the soda, but I could leave the ice cream. I asked why. I am kind of like a two-year-old in this regard; I'll never figure out how he puts up with me. He replied "Because it's A&W... from a tap!" What's more, he said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And that brought up the memory of my sacrilege.

Before we were dating, we were both at the same bonfire. These bonfires were the best! And Nick would usually do most of the planning. Thanks, Nick! We would go shooting, get to play with fire, build smores, and every once and a while someone would bring something completely odd to burn. We burned computers, textbooks, couches, underwear, wedding dresses, you name it and it was probably burned at one of these bonfires. Once one of my roommates brought a robot karaoke machine. She 'walked' it right into the fire. I thought it was a fitting end. But anyway.... I digress. Towards the end we had an enormous pile of ashes, and left over soda. I wanted to explode a soda. What self-respecting chemist wouldn't? When I expressed this desire everyone agreed so, I took a soda out to warm it up. All that was left was the A&W (Boy I wish I was getting paid for all this sponsership!) root beer and the equally A&W cream soda. Since I don't really care for either, it didn't matter to me which one bit it. However Nick and his roommates like root beer so, I chose the cream soda. Nick happened to walk by the can as it was warming up. He explained to me, very passionately I might add, how it was an unpardonable sin to waste A&W. I figured God would understand, and buried the can in the ashes. Besides, He always seemed more of an IBC man to me. We then proceeded to wait for it to explode. We waited…. and waited… and waited. Eventually we lost patients, and turned away. It chose right then to explode. Nick said it was a fitting punishment. I almost threw another can in.