Dear Baby,
I want to thank you for introducing me to this whole new world of oddities. After 30+ years, I finally know what the inside of my belly button looks like. Surprisingly, it's kind of shiny. I like shiny. However, I could have gone without being introduced to the inside of my colon. Some things in life are supposed to be a mystery. Don't worry, you'll figure this out soon enough.
I had no clue that muscles could stretch far beyond their capacity to actually be functional. But now that I've pulled a few, would you please stop kicking them? I realize that they may be a bit swollen. I also realize that there is not much variation in your current habitation. I can also even understand the boredom you must be facing, that makes finding a bump (and knocking it around for a while) the highlight of your day. At the very least, could you please alternate the bumps that you kick?
I am also glad that you've given up the extremely long game of 'bladder soccer' that you were playing. However, if it would mean that I could go longer than two hours a night without having to pee, you would be more than welcome to advance to the finals.
We'll talk more later.
Your loving mother
PS: I can't wait until you're born. Because, when you're old enough, I am going to introduce you to the wonderful world of lemons .... and laugh my butt off at the face you pull.
