Advanced Math?

The other day I had to obtain a copy of my transcripts for a job application. I figured that I would double check the graduation requirements, since I had to get a copy anyway. I need a total of 30 credits, 12 of which can be research. I got the gears in my head working, and figured out that I needed 28 classroom credits.

Turning to my transcripts I started counting. Yep, 12 research credits. Ok...3...6...21...WHAT only 22 classroom credits!?! I started to get worried. When I first checked this out, two semesters ago, I had more than enough. I had lost at least 6 credits! I forced myself to calm down, and I checked each class. Yep, they were all there. Now what? I AM SHORT 6 CREDITS FOR GRADUATION!!

My first thought was "Ok, it isn't second term yet, maybe I can sign up for something...anything to get my credits." However, after checking the schedule I became acutely aware of why graduate students only sign up for research during summer semester. Classes are not offered.

My second thought was "Oh $hit! I have to tell my advisor that I am 6 credits short for graduation. He is going to rip me a new one!" I would do anything to avoid this...I like my butt the way it is. So, I moved on to the third thought.

My third thought was to double check my math. Let's see 30 - 12 = ... 18. You're kidding me! I couldn't have made that mistake. I got out the calculator just to make sure. Yep...18. Whew. I'm really glad that I didn't send that e-mail. I can see the whole conversation now...He would be trying his hardest not to laugh while saying, "You know that masters degree we are giving you? Never mind." I would than have had to defend myself by saying, "At least it's a mistake Einstein would have made."

The moral of the story? Don't do advanced math when you have just spent 5 hours filling out a job application for the FBI. ...Or...fill out online job applications bare footed, and with a buddy. I guess it would depend on how bad your shoes stink.


*Thanks go to whoever posted this pic on facebook, so I could steal it. If it's yours, and you want it removed, just let me know.*

FYI

Did you know that...

(1) Impressing a girl/guy can be deadly? One day Molly and her husband checked into a hotel. When Molly saw the extremely thin rail that ran around the balcony, she was ecstatic. She could impress her husband with her gymnastic ability. While I'm sure that the back flip onto the rail was flawless, her balance wasn't.

Two guys (we can call them Hans from Germany, and Bob from Ohio) tried impressing their gals with a very macho showing of strength. They decided that since there was a really high balcony, they would do pull-ups. I really hope that Bob didn't read about his buddy on the Darwin awards, and think he could do better.

(2) After you've impressed your significant other, making out on the rooftop is not a good idea. Linda and Chester found this out the hard way.

(3) Katrina Chalifoux created a wedding dress made entirely of Charmin and tape, for a toilet paper wedding dress contest. I hope the bride doesn't sweat when she gets nervous. But if she has allergies she's covered...at least for a little while.

(4) If you trace your family tree back 25 generations, you will have idenified 33,554,432 direct ancestors.

(5) 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

(6) The town of Los Angeles, California, was originally named El Pueblo la Nuestra Senora de Reina de los Angeles de la Porciuncula.

(7) There are more collect calls on Father's day than any other day of the year.

(8) A German World War II submarine was sunk due to malfunction of the toilet.

(9) What could possibly be the largest living organism in the world is a fungus. It was discovered in the Malheur National Forest, in Oregon, and is estimated to cover 2,200 acres.

(10) June 20th is the happiest day of the year. Cliff Arnell has devised a scientific equation that takes into account physical and emotional stress factors. His research was funded by Wells Ice Cream.

And now we come to the purpose of this blog entry. Those of you who have seen The Bucket List will understand what I mean when I say "The cats beat me to it."

SQUIRRELS!!!

Ok, I wasn't going to post for a while...but I was looking for this song, and found this delightful music video instead! It's totally hilarious, and everyone should see it at least once. I've already watched it 3 times! But that doesn't excuse anyone.

Arachnophobia

This post is in hopes that I can help my little sister with her arachnophobia. While I still maintain that it is not my fault that she has arachnophobia (what fun could be had by throwing little balls of black string at her, if she didn't shriek like a banshee), I believe that I may be able to help her work out this fear.

I guess I should start by stating my credentials. Don't give me that look! I do have 'spider experience.' I had a pet spider for 3 years. A wolf spider. This spider lived on the side of our house. We would still be friends today, if I hadn't moved. I would talk to this spider. I have always found it helpful to tell problems to someone, not for a solution--but to get a better handle on the problem. Our conversations were always so very one-sided, though. I felt bad about this. I consoled myself by believing that if the spider wanted to talk, I would listen. Now that I have been self-certified as the spider guru, on to the therapy.

(1) Spiders that come into the house are committing suicide. They want to die, and you are doing them a favor by ending it quickly for them. In Jr. High, I had a basement bedroom. The number of spiders that liked to bite me at night was astonishing! At that time, I made a pact with all spiders. When I am outside, they are allowed to try and kill me. However, if they come inside I am allowed to try to kill them. If they leave their friends out of it, I won't recruit help either. These odds seemed a little one-sided to me. Just to even things up, I have to have shoes on. Since making this pact, the number of spiders I come across when I am barefooted has skyrocketed. I believe this to be the spiders' acceptance. You would to, if you knew that I wear shoes almost every waking hour.

(2) Spiders live a painful existence. Spinning a web can not be comfortable. Let's see...you pull some thread out of your butt, hang from it until you can swing wide enough to reach the next branch, and repeat a billion times over your life time. Of course this is assuming that there isn't a strong wind, which pulls that thread out much faster than you originally intended. Can you say OUCH! We are doing them a favor by sending them to spider heaven. There pigs have to spin the webs, to repay Charlotte.

(3) If logic won't persuade you, let superstition be your guide. Let's see not killing/seeing a spider can bring: money, good luck, health, joy, and hope. However it can also bring: sorrow, anxiety, bad luck, death, personally catastrophic events, new secret enemies, and misfortune. Killing a spider can bring: good or bad luck, and rain. There's the delightful bonus that you no longer have to live with the spider. I'd say the bad side of not killing the spiders far out weighs the good side.

(4) Has this worked? If not, maybe you can benefit from WikiHow! I bet there are at least seven or eight untested methods here that you haven't tried.

(5) Still afraid? At least you know that you are not quite as bad off as this gal. She's willing to pimp herself out for a good spider killer! Please excuse the profanity; I'm sure she doesn't know any better.

(6) What if you just want to kill spiders, but need to give them a fighting chance? Let the diatoms do the dirty work for you! Just call 1-800-DIATOMS.

And as always, you should be glad that I didn't have access to this story when I was 12. Boy, I could have and fun with that one! If I had this story and a small plastic spider, I would have thought I died and went to heaven!

Social Reminiscing

Most people are surprised to learn that my boyfriend is the first guy that I have dated. I'm not sure why. I would have thought that Chemistry Graduate Student would have said it all. I am socially awkward. I have no clue as to what to say, do, or even how to act most of the time. Even church taxes my limited social skills. I really don't know how my boyfriend puts up with it. He probably finds it amusing.

Those of you who haven't seen me must be thinking, "Oh...she must be stunningly beautiful." Sadly, this is not the case. While I don't think that I am ugly, I don't really think that I am beautiful either. I guess I would describe myself as pleasant looking, I don't turn heads either way.

So, I thought I would share my early dating experiences. This way, you all can all share with me the sense of wonder that I actually have a boyfriend. You can also wince with me, as I relate my past dating experiences. More often than not, I feel more sorry for the guy than I do for myself.

The first date I went on was in high school. My AP Chemistry lab partner asked me out. He also was one of my little sister's best friends. I was wearing my favorite pair of black denim shorts. Which unbeknown to me, I split the butt out of. I found this out an hour after he brought me home. Sad, I loved those shorts.

At Dixie Jr. College (now Dixie State), I got involved with Lambda (the LDS church sorority). We were going around to the dorms to promote rush week with Sigma (the fraternity). The guy I was with showed an interest in me. He was even pleasant to talk to...until he said that he "wanted a trench coat so I can carry a sawed-off shot gun." I really didn't want to talk with him after that.

My first day at WSU there was this guy who followed me around all day, and he even tried to get chummy with my dad. I didn't notice (at least until he started talking with my dad), but my mom did. While at career services, I over heard him talking to the receptionist. He wanted to get a business degree so he could go home and run the family bar. Such ambition! He asked me out...right after he introduced himself. Needless to say, I didn't go. The next semester he showed up in a few of my criminalistics classes. I have never been more happy than when I saw him locking lips with another girl outside of class! He didn't come to class anymore after that. Double yea! He aksed really stupid questions.

Now we are at the U. My home teacher called on a Saturday night. I had just spent 12 hours at the lab, and was completely exhausted. That week, 12 hours was a light day. He asked if I wanted to go to music and the spoken word. Had it been any other day I would have said yes; I would have recognized that he was asking me out. But that day my brain was jelly, and all I could think of is that church wasn't until noon and I really wanted to sleep in. I was seriously considering skipping church for some therapeutic video games.

The next guy to ask me out was a really great guy. We became really good friends. We went to a Jazz festival in the park. He had to leave at the beginning to give a blessing. The concert was good, and I felt really bad that he missed it. The next day was the last day of the festival, and he asked me again. Scheduling was hectic, and the whole night was stressful. It wasn't until a few months later, that I realized that it was a date. But like I said, I have the social skills of a jelly fish. I had no clue what to do, so I ignored it.

The next guy to ask me out was my boyfriend. Now that you all know my learning curve, I'm sure you all have a new sense of awe that he puts up with me. Unfortunately, I am still as oblivious as ever! It's a good thing he keeps a 2 x 4 around.