Global warming, what's your theory?

Last night, my boyfriend and I went to a lecture on the ocean's role in global warming. It was a lot of fun, and there was some interesting points raised. That being said, I still don't believe in global warming. While listening to her lecture, it occurred to me that my own theory on global warming is just as believable and, coincidentally, useful.

Before I state my theory, I do need to add a little clarification. This theory was born because I thought it would make my mom laugh. A few years ago she needed a little pick me up. The facts in this theory have not been verified, and are based upon hearsay and memory remnants from junior high science classes. Don't look for science here! Science has no place in a theory for global warming. That being said...on to the theory.

It’s the penguins! As proof, I offer the following. The largest hole in the ozone is over the Antarctic. It is widely held that the holes in the ozone are caused by global warming. Thus...the Antarctic is the biggest contender in global warming; more than any other place on Earth. So, what caused this hole? If this hole was caused by the handful of researchers who inhabit the content every summer, there should be a bigger hole over China. Thus...man is not the cause of global warming. *Whew* We all can now sleep a little better tonight. Be sure to turn the heat up, it's cold. Penguins are the only animals that are indigenous to Antarctica. Thus... penguins are the inadvertent (I’m sure they mean well) cause of global warming! Now, some of you are dying to ask about the small holes that are above some of the world's largest metropolitan areas. I ask you, have you ever heard of a metropolitan area that doesn't have a zoo? I don't think that they exist.

Now, every good theory in global warming ends with a proposal for future action. As much fun as it would be for this video game junky to go around and participate in a penguin massacre, I do not think that this is the most prudent course of action. We should first try talking to the penguin. I saw something similar attempted in a movie. Again, Hollywood is before its time!