12 Steps--step 5

Some of you may be like I was for the first several decades of my life. You may thinking that logic is an admirable trait in a woman, who, as a general breed, tend to be overly emotional. It is to you that I dedicate this post. I give you the next step along my path to logical independence:

5. Admission of the exact nature of our wrongs

In general, logic is not wrong. Don't get me wrong here, this is not denial speaking. Logic, like any other delectable, is wonderful...if used in moderation. This is where my sin comes in. I have this compulsive need to apply logic to everything.

You may think that this isn't so bad. You may think that you've heard of worse sins. Well....just read on. It is so bad that my favorite joke is not just one joke, but a string of jokes...that follow a logical progression. I will demonstrate:

1. How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator?
2. How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?
3. How do you put four elephants in a VW Bug?
4. How do you know that there is an elephant in your refrigerator?
5. The lion king called a meeting, which animal didn't attend?

If you were to argue that this can not be my favorite joke, since it is five jokes, I would agree with you. I would be forced to tell you that my favorite single joke was told to me by my Calculus teacher. Unlike the previous string, it is not in the least logical. You will never guess the answer. It is...What's the difference between a motorcycle. No. I didn't forget half the joke, but the guy who told it to Mr. Hunt might have.

If this wasn't bad enough, my life seems saturated by logic. It seems that the more tainted your thoughts are with logic, the more specific people have to be with you. What do you think of when a 'topless' dinner is suggested to you? My first thought (and, oddly enough, the one I voiced) was "You can take the top off your pot pie, if you want to."

Not even Sunday services are safe! One time, in church, an appendage was defined as "something that is attached to the main body, but is not necessary." Without missing a beat I leaned over to my friend and said "You know, the head is considered an appendage."

These links that my mind makes are truly scary. I'm sure that by now you all now see the dangers of letting logic creep into your thought processes. A little here and there is ok, but remain on your guard. Logic is like lays...once you start, you can't stop!

And, since I'm sure that someone will ask in the comments, here are the answers to the jokes:

1. Open the door, put the giraffe in, close the door.
2. Open the door, take the giraffe out, put the elephant in, close the door. (What? You thought that both an elephant and a giraffe would fit in a refrigerator? Don't be silly.)
3. Two in the front, two in the back.
4. There are three in a VW Bug outside, waiting for him.
5. The elephant. He's still in the refrigerator.
6. Two ducks. (I've been told that two telephone polls is an acceptable answer, but I like ducks better. They're fluffy, and quack....and I've sounded like one for a week now. Needless to say, we're good friends now.)