My new favorite Christmas carol

Love it!

Christmas letter up-date

So, my mom called and I quote, "Not that I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth, but you can't say that not much has changed and then talk about experiences I haven't heard of. I want to hear about the garden experience."

With that thought in mind, I had Nick send my mom an e-mail detailing the 'gardening experience.' With a very little help from me, this is what he sent:

We planted a garden

We planted peanuts, the rabbits did quell.
We planted tomatoes, the racoons dined well.
We planted some okra, the bugs had a feast.
We planted zucchini, it prospered, to say the least.
We planted broccoi, cauliflower, and brussel sprouts.
With the onions, the rabbits had take out.
We planted melons, peppers, and more.
We planted pumpkins and they were seen no more.
We planted sunflowers, which grew very tall.
Fungus and wind then caused a mighty fall.
We planted amaranth with colors galore,
gave wonder and amazement, our only score.

Well done Nick!

Christmas news letter

Hey All! Nick and I decided to do a Christmas news letter this year. Here is a link to the letter. I hope that you enjoy, and have a very merry Christmas! (Ignore the box. I think it's trying to put the letter there....but it's failing miserably.)


2010 Christmas letter

Happy Turkey Days

Happy Thanksgiving!

In honor of Thanksgiving, Nick and I are going to provide a list of things that we are thankful for.

• Nick is greatful that we have two computers for me to use.
• I am greatful we both come from families that are relativly normal.
• We are greatful for each other.
• Nick is greatful that he can hide while I blog.
• I am greatful Nick can find places to hide, so I can get things done.
• We are greatful for "The Turkey Song". (Yes, this is the real reason behind the blog entry)

Donations anyone?

Does anyone want to donate a watermelon? Said watermelon must be whole and intact to be a viable donation.

During the renovation, the construction company left a couple of hard hats. (Yes, this thought is related to the above question.) One of the professors here wants to wear one to his lab. He is curious how long it will take his students to ask if they should be wearing one. When they do, he is planning on saying "No, no. You'll be fine. Just do as I do, and you'll be fine." I think he should add, "If I yell 'duck' you DUCK!" (OK, this thought wasn't so related. But it's still a good one.)

Anyway, as much fun as this would be, I would rather strap them on the ends of a watermelon and drop it off the roof of the building. You know, as a favor to the construction company. To show them just how much bang they are getting for their buck.

So, does anyone have a watermelon that they don't want? It's for a good cause. It's tax deductible.* Tax deductions are good...especially when they involve a watermelon, two hard hats, and a four story building.

*I consider it a charitable donation. The US government might disagree. Mainly, that's why I'm not a tax attorney, accountant, or financial guru.

Seriously! You've got to be kidding me!

So, a while back I mentioned a patent that was featured in Chemical and Engineering News. If you don't remember, or were not reading then, it can be found here.

It has been funded, mass produced, and can be yours for a little less than $30. There's a whole web page devoted to the product. I have noticed, however, that many of the questions that I had went unanswered. (They probably never saw my post, but that is beside the point.)

Sure, they say it's comfortable, but how comfortable can it actually be? If, as a gas mask, the cup acts as a filter, how can it provide for adequate air flow as a bra? Does it have to be worn loose? It has been my experience that a loose bra is worse than no bra.

What about a hot and humid day. The true question that should be asked here is: on a hot, humid and generally icky-sticky day, would you really want to put your face where the girls were...when they weren't able to breathe?

I don't know about you, but I sweat. And on a day similar to the one describe above, I sweat a lot. My bra gets wet. How does this moisture affect the bra? Is it more effective, less effective or will it now suffocate me?

Kudos to Bodnar for thinking outside of the box, and congrats on her Ig Noble Award. But, there are a lot of questions that have to be answered before I will be willing to stake my life (or $30....that's a lot for a bra that won't fit) on it. And the FAQs provided by ebbra doesn't even come close to addressing the real issues.

12 Steps--Step 10

Step 10: Continuing Inventory

Despite my most valiant efforts, I keep finding my self slipping. You will note, however, that this list is considerably shorter than the first one. Yea! Progress can be seen!

**My morbid sense of humor shows in #2. If you're offended by that kind of thing, please skip it.**

#1 Kearney has a building named "The Lighthouse Counseling Center." The name probably is a metaphor for being a beacon of light in a dark time, or some other well thought out word play. However, my first thought upon seeing this? "If I was a lighthouse in Kearney, I would need counseling too."

#2 My mom was giving a talk at my Grandmother's funeral about a month ago. We were all huddled around her looking for a particular scripture she wanted to use. All of us could remember hearing it, but none of us could find it. It turns out that the familiar form of the scripture wasn't in the King James version of the bible. But, I digress. After we found the scripture we started randomly flipping through books to find other quotes for her. Helpful of us, wasn't it? Well, I started perusing A Bit of a Pause for Mrs Claus by Schick-Jacobwitz, Schick-Pierce, and Drake. I came across a quote that I just had to share. "Her muscles were aching, her feet were so sore. This overworked housewife could take no more." It was very well received.

#3 A few months ago, the RS president gave me my visiting teaching assignment. It was in an envelope with a violin bow on it...to fit the metaphor she thought up. I am the bow, my companion is the violin, and our sisters are the strings. Separate we are incomplete, but together we make beautiful music. I thought it was a very nice metaphor; an apt description of the visiting teaching program. When we reached the end of the hall, I leaned into Nick and told him my second thoughts. "So, my companion and I are supposed to irritate our sisters until they squeal?" I think logic has made me a bad Mormon.

#4 The other night Nick was imputing receipts into the computer after our family vacation. He murmured something, so I did my part and asked what was wrong. The conversation went something like this:

"Nothing. I just can't seem to figure out why we are not out of money yet."
"Because we haven't spent it all?"
**Dirty look that could curdle milk, in about 3.5 seconds**
"Do I have to apologise for this on my blog?"
"YES!!"

#5 I recently finished reading a book on the mensa murders. I don't know if anyone will remember, but in the late 1980s a guy tried to kill an entire family because they wouldn't turn their radio down. Anyway, in the acknowledgments a lawyer was thanked for suppling legal advice and "wicked wit." My first thought was, "Why didn't any of that make it into the book? I like wicked wit."

Well, as you see, I still have some work to do. Hopefully I have come far enough along that my backslides are minimal to my overall progression. Ah well, only time will tell.

It's not the air that's trying to kill you dear.

A while ago, and to select friends, I made mention that the Nebraskan air is tyring to kill me. I thought that, in the interest of fair reporting, I should mention that I went for allergy testing yesterday. Here's how I learned that my body has a death wish.

After listening to my symptoms, the woes/inadequacies of current/past medications, and making sure I was a good girl and abstained from antihistamines for the past 72 hours, I was tested for the more common indoor/outdoor allergens. If you don't know how this is done, I'll explain. A group of allergens are preloaded on to a tray. The tray is then pressed into your back. It both drops a bit of serum and creates a small scratch. Then you wait, for 15 minutes, while your body does what it does. In my case, that was react.

Apparently I am not allergic to mold, dogs, or the vast majority of trees. Out of 14 weeds they tested for, I am allergic to 11...including hemp. That explains why my necklace always makes me itch...I thought it was a texture thing. Out of the 11 grasses that they tested for, I am allergic to 10 of them. But don't worry. We can still have a nice, lush, green lawn of corn out front. In keeping with the total truth theme, I am allergic to three of the 17 trees that were tested for. And, as Nick likes to keep pointing out, I am a little bit cat allergic.

I first suspected that there would be many reactions when four minutes after the test was started my back felt like it was smoldering. Thankfully, just before it erupted into flames, the doctor came back and said, "It looks like you're in the right clinic."

Decisions so far? We're still getting a cat. And I was lied to. I've never, EVER, seen a mosquito bite that made a red spot bigger than a quarter and a bump the size of a penny. I looked like I was beat with a belt!

Family Vacations!

Nick and I just got back from our first official family vacation.

Instead of putting the anticipated 4k miles on our car, we decided to rent a car. A Hyundai this time. It drove OK, but had huge blind spots in the back...kind of scary knowing how many short people would be around us. It was a grey/green color, which, according to the rental agreement, was beige. Anyway, I digress.

We spent a few days in Southern Idaho, for the Ellis family reunion. It was very enjoyable. I got to spend 6 hours outside, in a single day! Of course, I had to spend all but 4 hours of the next day hiding from all things green. We played a game of Ultimate organized by Nick's nephew. I seriously don't think he could have set up the teams any more in his favor. :) We raced plastic ducks, and blew one up with a firecracker. We raced pinewood derby cars, Lego cars, matchbox cars, high heels, and pretty much anything else that had wheels, or could have wheels added to it. And, of course, good food and company overflowed. I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know my new family a little bit better; hopefully I didn't scared them too much.

After a few days, we jumped back into our 'beige' car and drove down to Southern Utah to visit my family. Life in St. George is very much different, and people are rarely found outside (for more than 15-20 minutes anyway) between the hours of 10 am to 5 pm. We managed to have some fun though. We went swimming at the Washington community center. We were finally able to pry my black powder gun from my Dad's hands. We found some odds and ends for the apartment (like an $80 art piece for only $16). And we can't forget the shooting. I am proud to admit that, despite the peer-pressure, I remain a 3.5" shell virgin. That, and a tomato makes a very satisfying shotgun target.

We then jumped back into the car, and spent the night in Salt Lake City. We had dinner with a friend and her new fiance. Nick was adamant about getting a hotel room with a Jacuzzi tub. He then proceeded to draw a romantic bubble bath. I was unconcerned at the first large squirt of dish soap. (That's right, my allergies have reduced me to dish soap!) Mildly amused at the second, and faintly alarmed at the third. Since there wasn't a fourth, I figured it was OK. Once the jets were turned on, the bubbles took over. It literally took us an hour to clean up. I feel sorry for anyone who draws a bath in that tub, and doesn't want bubbles. They won't get it for the next month or so!

Then we jumped back into the car and drove home. Now we are wishing we had a maid to unpack for us.

Isn't technology great?

We are having phone issues.

Maybe it's because we have finally got to the point where we have a little money to play with. Maybe it's because our 'Utah' phones don't like the 'Nebraska' humidity. (I know that I don't) Or it might be the fact that we both have been off contract for about five years now, and our phones would be great-great-great-grandparents if they were actually able to copulate. Wow, that's a visual I really didn't need.

Anyway, Nick's phone had it's final 'senior moment' last month. Nick knows what phone he wants, he just wants his arm and leg more. We figured that since I just want a phone (not a spreadsheet, media player, note pad, calculator, hopscotch taw, and whatever else you can think up ... oh, and it would be nice if it could make calls too) we would get me a new phone now, and Nick one when we can afford the one he really wants. If it can, in truth, be called a phone.

So, I got a new phone. Nick took charge of my old phone....and the centipede game. *sniff* However, today decided it to play dead. (The phone. Centipede still whops!) We are currently in the process of reviving it. Luckily we found some help.

Lucky because I hate fruit cake...I don't care who made it. If it has candied fruit, it's the nastiest thing on the planet. We read the post out loud to the phone (just to let it know what was coming should it decide not to cooperate) and decided to skip down to step six. That, and I don't think that we would have had much luck with number 5 either.

Random thoughts

Just a few random thoughts to brighten your day.

~*~ The other day I was thinking of the movie "The Bucket List." It lead me to consider what might be on my bucket list. After pondering this for a moment, I asked Nick what would be on his bucket list.

He wants to go to Australia and hunt donkey, cat, kangaroo, and anything else they will let him chase with a gun. My first thought? "You want to go to Australia and chase some tail?"

~**~ I love the Bob and Tom show. After all, without it, how else would I hear about the Pakistani spy that was caught in India this week. It is a pigeon. It is being held without visitors.

~***~ On the way to Wal-Mart we pass a giant field. It's about to be turned into condos. In the mean time, it's being used to grow hay (or whatever becomes hay...a farmer, I am not).

Here's the process of harvesting hay...from my perspective, of course.

1. The hay is cut, and arranged into lines...like cocaine.
2. Several tractors fight to see who gets to snort the lines. (Note to self, I need to get up earlier so I can watch the brawl.) In the process of snorting, they defecate all over the field.
3. *HeHe* Tractor scat.
4. Finally, another tractor comes along and arranges the scat. Kind of like a dung beetle who's lost it's appetite. Although, it could have started to read right wing literature.

HERMITS...unite?

I'll be the first to admit that I am socially awkward. I'm sure that my chemistry classes had a good laugh over Mitch trying to get a feel for how I would respond to him asking me out (something I realized about a year too late). But, as a scientist, I come by it honestly. I offer the following as proof:

An engineer is riding his new bike to class. In front of the building he meets a classmate, who notices the sweet new ride. He asks if the bike is new. The first engineer responds "Yes, yesterday this beautiful blonde rode up to me on this bike, took off all her clothes, and said 'You can take anything you want.'" The second engineer said, "You made a good choice. I doubt the clothes would have fit."

If you want more jokes like this, it was found here.

Think Geek

OK, I'll admit that...my skin barely sees enough sunlight to make the vitamin D I need to survive, I spend nearly every waking hour with my nose buried in a book or the computer, and I have sudoku on my phone...but does that make me a geek?

One of my best friends sent me a link to a geek test, because she was curious about my score. (Does that make me a geek?) I was curious too...so I took the test. She felt it was a crime I didn't get 100%, but I was shocked that I scored as high as I did. Take the test, leave a comment with your score (please...I want to see), THEN read on.

I must admit, I really don't know what is geeky...but this quiz brought up a few things that I would like to address:

• Spending time on a computer for fun, does not make you geeky. It's what you do on said computer that makes you geeky. I am sure that there are plenty of non-geeky things to do on a computer...I just don't enjoy any of them.
  
• ***SPOILER ALERT***James Maxwell could have been a lucky guess. You're not geeky till you know what he's famous for....and can derive it in less than half a page.
  
• This is a very tech-savoy age...who doesn't know how much RAM their computer has.
  
• A high GPA doesn't necessarily mean geeky...you may have majored in underwater basket weaving.
  
• Yes, the real element is there...OK, that was geeky.
  
• Why does only having a few friends make you geeky?
  
• Those pointy ears stick out!
  
• Just because I choose a TI over an HP doesn't mean I'm geeky! True the HP is the better calculator (at least they were when I was buying calculators), but they speak backwards Pollock.
  
• Just because you know that they are programming languages doesn't mean that you know what to do with them.
  
• Multi-colored notes are pretty!

So, have I been dethroned?

12 Steps--Steps 8 & 9

Contrarry to what Nick may think, I am absolutely willing to make amends for all wrongs I have caused (both actual and perceived). I am making a start here. Most of these wrongs can be found here, and here.

1. The logical result of having a can of pressurized soda and a bonfire in close proximity is to put said soda in the bonfire. I am eternally sorry that I made this logical no-no. I will no longer put A&W ANYTHING in a humongous pile of ashes...no matter how tempting it is...no matter who is with me.
2. If you ask someone "What happens if you don't want to go to heaven?", the logical response is "Go to hell then." I am very sorry, and will never again view the world in such a black and white...logical...way. There are multiple places that someone could end up after death...they could be reborn as a brussel sprout...or they could stay here and avoid the light. Whichever.
3. People can double underline phrases for many different reasons. I will no longer assume that it is the funniest reason that it could be. My apologies to Joseph Smith. I'm sure your spelling was supurb...unlike mine...for which spell check was invented.
4. I am sorry that I abused my powers of persuasion, to have a clean bedroom for two weeks. Never again will I use logic in a way that is counter productive to another person's sleep cycle...no matter how messy my bedroom is...no matter how erratic that sleep cycle was in the first place. The living room may be an entirely different matter though.
5. Even though "we kicked your butt" was a logical summation of the basketball game, I understand that it wasn't in good sportsmanship. I will never again suggest a end-game rally cry based upon a logical game summation. From now on, I will use a constructive critique of the opposing team's game...."the ball goes in the hoop" would have been a better cheer.
6. No longer will I eat all of a treat, simply because it is there. Yummy it may be, but the hips never forgive!
7. I will no longer be an enabler to the spread of the sarcastic T-shirt. I am sorry to those that I got hooked, and if you want counseling to stop I have a number for you. 1-800-9327948. (Virtual cookies to the first person who correctly figures out what it spells)
8. From now on, whenever I think of a logical (and totally gut-wrenchingly funny) comment, I will bite my tongue and count to ten. Then, if it is still appropriate, I will share. It is true that the head is an appendage. It was not appropriate to point that out in Relief Society. Even if the given definition was "something that is attached, but not important to the main body." It kills the mood of the meeting (plus, I no longer have anyone to share with).

Ok. So, these seemed to be the highlights of what was on my moral inventory. If you know of an instance where I used logic and I shouldn't have, or someone was harmed (rightfully or not) please leave a comment. I will add an apology there as well.

It's that time again?!

The new year has come and gone, and I haven't posted any New Year Resolutions! For those of you who don't know my take on the making of new year's resolutions, it can be found here. If you are confused at the end of this post, you might want to check it out.

First, an up-date on 2008's resolutions. I didn't accomplish any of them (even with the extra year). To date: I still cough at the mention of a cigarette, haven't touched a drop of alcohol (Oh, not true! I did pass the wine bottle at supper club.), and only gained 9kg.

**does a happy jig**

Welcome 2010! (Only 2 more years before the Aztecs have to buy a new calendar)

This year I resolve to:

1. To start reading right wing literature. I've been telling Nick that it will rot your brain, now it's time to prove it. As an added bonus, this will turn me into a monkey. As a monkey, I can fling poo at people I don't like. (Resolution #2 is in response to Nick's counter argument that being a monkey will decrease my creativity.)
2. All poo to be flung will be sculpted.
3. Become disorganized. OCD is quickly becoming the bane of my life. Case in point: a pile of clean dish cloths out side of the drawer isn't too bothersome (at least not more than a pile of anything else would be). However, once they make it into the drawer they MUST be folded neatly (and categorized as to style and size), or I loose sleep.

**Raises soda pop** Here's to a new year. Good luck with your new year resolutions. I'll do my best with mine.

PARTAY!

Yea! We're officially DINKS!

Since we've moved to Kearney, Nick has had an eye on a job that Builder's Warehouse (kind of a Home Depot type store) wanted to hire for. Nick is now their new assistant controller. I freely admit that I'm accounting stupid, and only have the vaugest idea of what he does (see side note 1).

He started yesterday, and so far he loves it. When it looked like he was going to get the job, I asked him what he wanted to do to celibrate. His answer was so typical Nick that we had to do it. He wanted to eat at "Nick's Gyros." They were yummy (see side note 2).

~**~Side notes~**~

1. For a while now, I've been trying to think up a post that would make Nick comment. Here's to hoping that I've finally suceeded!

2. Nick had lamb, and I had chicken. Nick tried to get me to taste his, but there isn't a job in the world that would make lambs good for anything other than looking at.