Honesty in Science

This is awesome!  You should totally check it out.

http://runt-of-the-web.com/best-overly-honest-methods

Thinking Outside of the Box

Boy, those phisers are getting more creative all the time.  I found this little gem in my inbox this morning.  I almost hate to delete it ... almost.

Toxic belly bugs!!  I love it!

Star Trek!!

Facebook only lets you click "like" once ... so I had to share it here.

I so can't wait until we see the new Star Trek move!!  (No spoilers in the comments; we are going this weekend.  And it is going to be worth the headache!)

Baby Logic

It was such a nice day yesterday, that we decided to go to the park and play.  We started out on the playground equipment, and M enjoyed that a lot.  We swung, we slid, we rocked in a boat-thingy, and we played in the wood chips (thankfully M remembered that wood chips are not food). 

After a while the play ground got too crowded.  We started to feel like we were in the way (since M is too small to play on her own, we have to be on the equipment with her ... she isn't quite walking yet), and we didn't want to cause an accident, so we moved to a grassy spot.

M loved playing on the grass.  She even crawled normally!  Previous attempts caused her to crawl like a cat with shoes on.  It was very entertaining.  She found a dandelion, and plucked at it.  She found several crinkly leaves, and tried to eat them.  To her credit, for the first ten "that's not food"s she would put it right back down.  On the tenth, it made a mad dash for her mouth.

She saw a dog, and wanted to play.  Nick took her on a stroll of the park to find a "baby-friendly" dog that M could pet.   I sat in the sun, and loved the feel of it on my skin.

She came back, and crawled around some more.  Then she found a good sized rock.  It was easily twice the size of her fist ... and she was absolutely certain that it was food.  Most of the time a quick "that's not food" would cause her to reverse the course of the rock ... but a few times I had to get my hand between the rock and her mouth. 

After half a dozen failed attempts of eating the rock, she decided to try a new tactic.  She crawled over to her treat cup, put the rock in her treat cup, and THEN pulled it out to eat it.

Oh boy!  **Sigh**  I think we are in trouble.

The proper bedtime routine

Tonight we got schooled on the proper order of the bed time routine. 

After dinner baby kept pointing and gesturing until I took her into the bathroom.  Then she showed me the tub.  Ok.  Message received.  Bath directly after dinner.  (During the bath, she kept saying her new word "bath."  That makes baby's vocabulary "up", "bath", "out", and the occasional "ma" or "da" which really don't seem to mean much.)

After we got jammies on, we came out into the living room.  It's been a few weeks since she has wanted to go to bed before seven (yea!! That makes us feel less like she is living her life away at daycare!) so we figured she would want to play.  Nope.  She acted sleepy until dad picked her up, and sat in the chair with her.  She then made a bee-line to her water bottle and wouldn't let go.  Ok.  Message received.  Bottle right after bath. 

After she finished most of her milk bottle, she was ready to play.  (I may say milk, but the price indicates that it is liquid gold ... only white ... and nonmetallic.)  Ok.  Message received.  After bottle, we play.  So, we decided to go with Nick to fix the computers in the family history center.  (Apparently the printer said something a few weeks ago, and now the computers are not willing to talk to it.) 

We went armed with the instructions that came with the printer.  Unfortunately, it wasn't much help.  While Nick called the computer shrinks at church headquarters, baby and I walked around the building.  We went all the way to the multipurpose room, and found a basketball.  The hoop was down, so we shot a few hoops.  (Baby is an excellent player, by the way.  I should know, I was there.)  We then brought the basketball back to the family history center.  Baby and I chased that basketball all over the place!  She even took the opportunity to stand for about 30 seconds unassisted.  A new record.  Oh, and we found a new wall outlet to attempt to play with.

Finally everything was resolved, and the computers and printers were again communicating with each other.  (Nothing sucks worse than a sullen computer network.)  We brought the basketball back to the multipurpose room, and played a little family ball.  (Baby is still an excellent player.  Now dad can attest.)  We left the ball there, and turned off all the lights on our way out of the building.

Once home, I took off the baby's jacket and handed it to Nick.  He was hanging his up in the closet.  I then handed him my jacket, to add to the collection he just put there.

Nick:  "What are we teaching the baby?"
Baby:  BURRRP!!!

After a good laugh, we brushed the baby's teeth and gave her a water bottle.  She could barely keep her eyes open.

What can I say?

Japanese potatoes are not very nice. 



I guess I wouldn't be either, if all my friends were thinly cross-sectioned and deep fat fried.

(Should you wish to participate in these logic puzzles, here's the link.)

Bed time at our house

WAAAAA!  I'm so tired.

WAAAAA!  You took my onesie off.

WAAAAA!  You took my diaper off.

WAAAAA!  You put me in a tub of warm water .... wait .... warm water? ....  I'm going to kick now.  Here, mom, you can wash my foot if you want.  Want to wash the other one?  How about this one again?

WAAAAA!  You took me out of the tub.

WAAAAA!  You put me down.  Oh, Ok.  I like wearing a diaper.  Baby lotion? .... Here's my foot.  No, mom, not my arms.  Don't you see me holding out my foot?  NO, MOM!  Not my tummy.  Don't you see me holding out my foot?

WAAAAA!  You put pajamas on me.  Oh, a bottle .... I like bottles.

.... Ten to twenty minutes later ....

ZZZZZZ

Damaged Goods Are Nonrefundable

N:  Is that what I think it is?
J:  That depends on what you think it is.
N:  M's uumbilical cord.
J:  Yes!
N:  That's gross!  Throw it away.
J:  **Gasp!** You want to throw away a part of our baby!
N:  What do you usually do with body parts that fall off?
J:  Pack them in ice and take them to the OR with you?
N:  **Rolls his eyes** Do what you want with it, just don't let me see it.

When will I EVER use this in REAL life!?

How to escape a $400 traffic ticket with the power of physics

I just found this today.  Being the geek that I am, I had to read the article...seriously, it was a must.  After that, I had to read the paper.  I'd never forgive myself if I missed out on that one.

To me, it seems like a very long winded way to successfully argue that the view of your car was blocked by a car that is approximately a meter longer.  However, I loved every second of it!

The links are there, should you feel the need to indulge.

Love, in its many forms

So, as it boils down to the last month before baby makes her debut, I have started to wonder just how much time I have to get the stockroom ready for my absence. 

Naturally I've heard that first babies tend to be late.  And I have gestational diabetes, which carries a risk of pre-term labor ... but I wanted something a little more concrete to base an estimate on.  I called my mom.  She's had six babies, and I figured that would be a good place to start looking for some answers. 

Turns out, when she was working (outside of the home, I assume.  I've known my mom for a long time.  She's never idle.) her babies were two to three weeks early.  (Well, that would mean next week.  Not quite ready for that.)  When she was at home, they tended to be on time.  (I was born "on time ... to the day."  I was a first baby.  Hopefully this means I won't go past my due date.)

I told Nick all this, mostly because I thought it was cool that I was born on my actual due date.  His response was less than enthusiastic. 

"You kind of let the punctuality thing slip didn't you."

And then he wondered why it became his turn to make dinner.

It's an election year

Thanks to my little brother, who put this on facebook so I could steal it and put it here.

If Wishes Were Horses ....

Oh, how I wish I had the opportunity to get to know this lady before she died!  Hopefully we'll be able to meet in the afterlife.

SCIENCE!

I stole this from a friend on Facebook. You're going to love it!

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

It's a girl!

So, apparently I had a fling with the pool guy (in my defense, he was really ripped) and got knocked up.  It's a girl!  She will weigh 9 lbs 8 oz and measure 21" long.  She will be darling, sporting brown hair and hazel eyes.  (Boy, these pregnancy tests get more detailed all the time!  EPT is soooo jealous.)

Should you want to see if a blessed event is about to descend upon you, click here.  No lab work needed!  Results are 100% guaranteed*!

*The result is guaranteed, NOT the accuracy of said result.

Turd Burgers, a soylent green subsitute

There are many things for which recycling can be used for.  I'm just not sure that this is one of them.

I think that it's time we admit that there's a limit to what we are willing to recycle.

Mother's day conversations

Like a large majority of the American public, I call my mom on Mother's Day. This is slightly tricky for us, since my mom's prefered shift is Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, from 3 am until everything gets done.

Anyway, I called around 5 pm (her time) since that seems to be after she get's home, but before she heads for bed. Unfortunately, Mother's day was a long work day. She called me an hour and half later, when they finally let her leave. We had a good chat.

Like all good brothers do, Will came and interupted us. The conversation went something like this:

Will: My elbow hurts.
Mom: You need to give it some time to rest. It will take longer than two days to heal.
Will: I can't!  I've got $hit to do!

My mom probably made some approprate comment, but my mind was occupied with the image of my little brother trying to deficate out of his elbow. Not a sight for the weak, but it was funny none the less.

Me:  Why does he $hit with his elbow? I use completely different part of my anatomy for that. No wonder it hurts, straining that hard can't be good for you.

Mom, true to form, picked it right up and kept it rolling. The resulting banter is what I miss most, now that I live over 1000 miles from the rest of my family. Hopefully we'll be able to visit soon.

LIMITED MILES INCLUDED!!

I got to admit, I'm a little confused about this.  Sixty dollars a day seems a bit much for a moving truck, even if it includes such bonuses as:  cart, blankets and limited mileage.

Knowing that they were shelling out 60 clams a day for this beauty, I insisted that we take a pic that night.  Little did I know that it would sit in the parking lot for three more days.  I wish that I had that kind of money!

P.S.  Thanks go to Nick for the title of this post!!

Happy sweet sixteen

While browsing through the T-shirts at cafe press, I came across this little gem. I thought it was funny. I shared it with Nick.

And BOOM ...

Just like that ...

Our daughter's 16th birthday gift was decided. I like the way he thinks.

Random Thought

Here's why I'm extremely glad that I don't work in a cubical:

Here we work like ants in plexi-glass
Ants in plexi-glass
Ants in plexi-glass
Here we work like ants in plexi-glass
Toiling our lives away.

Christmas letter up-date

So, my mom called and I quote, "Not that I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth, but you can't say that not much has changed and then talk about experiences I haven't heard of. I want to hear about the garden experience."

With that thought in mind, I had Nick send my mom an e-mail detailing the 'gardening experience.' With a very little help from me, this is what he sent:

We planted a garden

We planted peanuts, the rabbits did quell.
We planted tomatoes, the racoons dined well.
We planted some okra, the bugs had a feast.
We planted zucchini, it prospered, to say the least.
We planted broccoi, cauliflower, and brussel sprouts.
With the onions, the rabbits had take out.
We planted melons, peppers, and more.
We planted pumpkins and they were seen no more.
We planted sunflowers, which grew very tall.
Fungus and wind then caused a mighty fall.
We planted amaranth with colors galore,
gave wonder and amazement, our only score.

Well done Nick!