Shawn...Shawn, who?

I've been thinking about the history of the drunk dialing today. I think that it might have gone something like this.

Morse Code:

.... . -.-*--__-... .- -.*.. .__--. -*-- -__.--. .-.. .- -. ..*.

Early Telephone:

Operator: Operator, would you like to place a call?
Guy: ...Yes....*hic*...
.....
Operator: Sir? Where would you like to call?
Guy: Hey! You sound pretty, are you blond?
.....
Operator: *exasperated* Sir, do you want to make a call?
*hears a thunk*
Operator: Sir, are you alright?
.....
Police officer: Ma'am? Sorry he bothered you. We'll take it from here.
*hears muffled over the phone* "Alright Joe, back to the drunk tank. ... No, I won't hold your hand! You know the way.

Telephone:

Sue: *sleepily* Hello?
George: *hic* Hey!
Sue: George? Is that you?
George: *hic*
Sue: Is everything alright? It's 3 in the morning.
George: Your really pretty!
Sue: Get some sleep, George. *hangs up*

Cell Phone:

Karen: Bob, what's wrong?
Bob: Where are you?
Karen: It's 2 am! Where do you think? I'm in bed.
Bob: Want some company?
Karen: *Hangs up*

Now, the real reason for this post. Today I got a text at 2 am. It said, and I quote, "Hey girl how u been" I was miffed, to put it nicely. If you text me at 2 in the morning it had better be either a life/death situation, or I'm sleeping through the second coming. I'm flexible, either will work. The only thing I could think of was, "Who is this idiot, who woke me up at 2 to ask how I've been? And, do they seriously expect me to respond with anything other than 'asleep'?"

I was good, however, and asked who this poor fool was. I was even nice about it. His response, again I quote, "Shawn Is this that super fine girl from the fair" Again, I was good, and told him that he had the wrong number. I felt bad for him; it must be hard being that stupid. I hung up thinking, "Nobody is hot at 2 in the morning. Go to bed." The text he send back was gibberish (I believe that the general idea was that I am a cutie). It left no doubt in my mind that he was in high school, and I wasn't...haven't been in 10 years...and would kill myself before going back.

When did I get to be so old?

It's just a movie?

Do you watch How I Met Your Mother? It comes on right after Big Bang Theory, which has to be the funniest TV show ever made. It provides quite the intercostal workout. Anyway...I digress.

This week's episode had Ted introducing his new fiance to Star Wars, his all time favorite movie. As with anyone who is over 25 and sees Star Wars for the first time, she hated it. She told to Ted's best friend how stupid the movie was. He explained to her that Star Wars is extremely important to Ted, and she would have to pretend to like it for the rest of her life. That's when I said it. I said the unforgivable. I said..."It's just a movie." To Nick: a generation may identify with believes, ideas, philosophies, and concepts put forth in a particular movie; but the movie itself is just a movie. Yes, this also includes The Lord of The Rings Trilogy and the Star Trek Saga (two cinematic giants that I am very passionate about).

However, as bad as my sin apparently is (I have yet to be forgiven), I believe that the first unpardonable sin was Nick's. He assumed that just because I am an avid Star Trek fan, that I like Star Wars. To me this is like saying, "Oh, you like oranges; you must like kumquats then." In my opinion, Star Wars makes an enormous mistake. It assigns morality to things that are not sentient, ie: the force. How can a force, or power, be evil? How can it have a dark side? I can understand that it can be used to do evil, but does that make the power in itself evil? Should you forgo areas of research and learning because they can be misused? I don't have answers, I only have beliefs. Beliefs which are different enough to those in Star Wars that I don't like it.

That, and no matter what anyone says, I will go to my grave saying that Star Wars is fantasy, not science fiction.

Watch that first step...it's a doosey

I have taken the first step to achieving my dream of normalcy; I read a book. Not just any book, but an incredibly stupid (although funny) book. A book that was written for high school students. I swear, I dropped at least 10 IQ points! *groans* Now I'll never find a job!



I started this journey a few months ago, and just completed it this weekend. To it's credit, this book was a great bathroom book. Very short chapters, and easy to pick up and put down. I once tried reading Steven King in the bathroom. That didn't work well...my butt still hasn't forgiven me. Good thing that I was living at home, or my roommates might have lynched me.



What did I like about this book?

1. Gems such as "You're the one with almost an MBA...You should know what to do." Lash's reply, "They don't cover what to do with a dead hooker...That's a whole different program. Political Science, I think." and "He rocks my stripy socks." (Although I think I remember hearing that somewhere before...Oh well.) Oh...we can't forget the quote on the side bar!


2. The supporting actress...Abby Normal.


3. It is very witty. Maybe not Archie Goodwin witty, but witty none the less.


4. I don't know how it kept my attention. Frequently I would stop and think, "This book is stupid. Why am I reading it?" Then I would read a few more lines...and all would become clear.


5. The Star Trek like un-ending. Moore manages to tie everything up, and yet you are still wondering how it all ends.


6. The first paragraph, I"ll quote: "You b*tch, you killed me! You suck!"


7. It made me laugh. Not just once or twice...but many times.


8. One word...vamplets.


9. And finally...any book that shaves a 35 lbs cat, and then puts it in a sweater, is a must read!

Now, if I've done my job correctly, you all will run out and read this book. Then, among my friends, I won't have lost any IQ points...but I will still be able to blend better with the general population. One step down, if AA is to be believed, 11 to go. Any suggestions on what the next step should be?

Pink...Tacos?

I watched "Legally Blond" once. I remember being struck by a sudden thought half way through..."This should be a horror flick, everything is pink!" Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with the color pink. It has it's place...healthy gum tissue, a kitten's tongue, Klingon blood. Most people would be shocked to learn that I even used to wear pink. We all do crazy things in our childhood.

It used to be that you could count on a few things in this world to not be pink. Trucks, camouflage, hummers, guns, guy food....well, you get the idea. In junior high school, I saw a pink truck. I was in shock for a week. What would possess someone to do that to their truck! If they didn't like it, they shouldn't have bought it! Then came pink camo. I still can't figure out why you would want pink, purple, or any other psychedelic color of camo. I had a long-sleeved camo shirt once. It was green; it also had sparkles. I threw it away when I couldn't wash the sparkles off. A few years ago, I saw a pink hummer. It brought fond memories of one of Steven King's first movies "Extreme Machines." If ever was there a car made for that movie, this was it. And yes, I have seen a pink shotgun. I felt bad for it. It was so getting picked on by the turkey guns.

Taco Bell has a new taco. Nick was so excited about it, he called me at 3 to make dinner plans. On the way to pick up the new Volcano Taco, I had to question Nick about it. I asked the usual questions...Where did you hear about it?...What is it?...Would you like me to leave you alone with it? He gave the usual answers...A commercial, he was so excited that he called me right after it finished...It's really, REALLY hot...Thanks, but that won't be necessary. They won't notice that I'm in the room.

We tried the taco...well, he tried the taco. My poor stomach isn't made of cast iron, more like stressed aluminum. I consider it a major accomplishment that I no longer have to take Tums after every meal. Any way...I digress. He was disappointed in the taco, it wasn't hot. And, the Mountain Dew he had with dinner let him stay up all night thinking about how he ate a 'pink taco.' We had to go back. Eating a pink taco is disturbing, but eating a hot pink taco is manly. I don't get it.



**Thanks Taco Bell, for the use of your pic. I didn't think that you would mind.**

Why do I Bother?

I consider myself a very logical person. Frequently this trait is the cause of much hilarity among my friends. While I was growing up, my mom would often tell me that I was "applying logic where it doesn't belong." Now she just gives me a pitiful look; apparently there are some habits I will never out grow.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the Darwin Awards. I have yet to come close to understanding what these poor, poor people were thinking. I have come to the conclusion that I need to ask myself one question. "Why do I bother?" Here are a few examples:

The graduate student across the hall from me is one of the lecturers for the Freshman Chemistry labs. She as 9 sections, with 300 students (at last count) and 4 TAs. She is also the TA for the Chem 1010 online course, and is in charge of AMES (college chemistry for high school students). And she is supposed to do research...when? In all 2 hours of her free time, no doubt. I'm sorry...you're right, I hyperbolize. She won't have that much free time.

In St. George, man robbed a bank. After getting the money, he went to visit family and then walked the streets. The police found him standing on the corner near his house, waiting for them.

One of Dr. Eyring's undergraduate students got his BS in Chemistry, and continued on to medical school. He became a pathologist. Ten years later, he decided that he didn't like the amount of paperwork, and became a potato farmer. (There was some mention of not liking to cut up dead babies, but I'm sure that's not important here.) That lasted for a few years before he got disgusted with the pay, and he went to law school. Now he is a lawyer, who specializes in malpractice suits.

Back in the day, if a St. Georgian wanted a pet they would drive out to the Arizona strip and grab a tortoise. If it ran away, no big deal--you go get another one. If it got too big, no big deal--leave the fence open, it runs away, and we know how to fix that. This practice has caused the BLM to 'reserve' large areas of land, in southern Utah, for the tortoise. A tortoise that wasn't in Utah before we brought it there.

Have you ever watched the "sidewalking" segment of the Tonight Show? Every single time I do, I wonder how these people have survived for so long. Shouldn't they have forgotten how to breath long before now? I like to think that he screens them by asking "Would you ever vote for Ron Paul?"

I'm sure that by now you see my frustration. What is this world coming to? How am I supposed to be able to find a place in it? I...who's favorite part of Geometry and Trigonometry was the proofs...have a place in all this insanity? Am I the only one who feels completely and utterly lost among a sea of idiots?!

At this point of my rant, I would like to thank my family and friends. These wonderful people who provide a levy against the tides of insanity; the absolute gems who help me understand the insanity that leaks through. I owe every bit of sanity that I possess today to them. Some days all I want is for them to come collect it, so I can finally fit in.

Would You Call?

Dealing with tech support these past few months has reminded me, and probably them, of just why I hate dealing with them. As a pick-me-up I like to look up the stupid things that people call tech support for. I do this for several reasons.

1. I don't feel quite as stupid when the reason I called for turns out to be stupid.
2. It make me feel better when they don't understand what I am saying.
3. I don't get as frustrated when they can't find a way to fix my problem.

I make no claims to superior computer skills. I once called tech support to have them help me find where the experiment I just ran was saved, because it certainly wasn't where I told it to wait for me. While he was asking for help, I started to randomly search folders--and found it. For this reason (and others we don't need to get into), I frequently classify myself as computer illiterate. However I do know:

1. How to turn the computer on
2. How to use a mouse and
   
3. What a screen saver is.
   

Considering that these are the problems people call in for, don't you wonder about all of the problems that don't get called in? Recently an e-mail was forwarded to me describing this very same situation. I can't give it the justice it deserves, so I will refer you to the original story. Truly, I laughed until I cried!

Waldo Lives!

I love Where's Waldo. As a kid I would spend hours looking for Waldo, Wanda, their dog, and the Wizard. Once that was done, I would look for the key, bone, scroll, and other assorted items requested by the back pages. I spy follows a similar theme, and is equally loved. There is nothing better than a Where's Waldo or I spy book on a rainy day.

On the way to Smiths, Nick and I found a yard dedicated to this cause! Let me tell you, the challenge of a 3-D environment was very much appreciated.

We searched for ten minutes until we found Waldo. Along the way, we found all the beach balls. After finding Waldo, we continued home. However, we had to come back. This yard had to be blogged about!

Taking pictures gave us the chance to find all the straw hats, the bucket wearing sunglasses, and the flip flops. I wasn't able to find the smiley face, unless that was Waldo--he was smiling. And counting to 12 was enough of a deterrent to keep me from looking for the bats.

I don't know who should be commended more...the guy who thought up the idea...the guys who strung up all the toys...or the neighbors who are saint enough not to demand that it get cleaned up. In any case, I totally enjoyed the experiment. Oh...I just found the smiley face!

**Disclaimer**

If this is your yard and you would like the pics removed just let me know. No one was home on the Saturday afternoon that we walked by, otherwise I would have asked for permission.