Family Heirlooms

It is rather amazing what you inherit if you live in an apartment long enough. Personally, I inherited 7 half-empty bottles of Windex; yes, I counted them. And yes, they are definitely half-empty, not half-full. You'd be pessimistic too...if you inherited 7 partially filled bottles of Windex. Anyway...I digress.

Nick and I were watching Smallville (a TV series that I am completely convinced has its roots in fanfiction) at his place when there was a knock at the door. It was a gal from the ward. She said, and I quote, "... This is going to sound strange, but I have a friend here who just had to see your orange couch..." No joke. That is what she said.

She brings in this guy who is surprisingly happy to see this orange couch. I say surprisingly, because I don't think that anyone has been happy to see this couch for 40 years. He even took a picture of it! It turns out that he had bought that couch for $40 from the DI. Nick thought that he got took, but I'm not so sure. Let's look at the facts.

1. Yes, the couch is ugly. But if it wasn't so ugly, when you sit in it you might sink all the way to the floor instead of only half-way. That has to be worth at least $10.

2. It has a nice, solid frame. Considering how ugly the couch is, this may seem like a curse. However, it also makes it hard to move. I can personally name 6 guys who have moved in and out over the last few years. (In all fairness, most of them got married. If my husband suggested that we take that couch, I would do my best to convince him that the guys need it worse than we do. If that didn't work, I'd get a restraining order.) If each guy was willing to put in a one time $8 (1/5 of the original price) for a new couch, that makes the couch worth...$48!

3. And when someone finally gets sick enough of it to get a new one...it can be taken out to the desert to be shot and burned. BONFIRE!! Who can put a monetary value on pyromania?

In short, $40 was a small investment for such a great family heirloom. Much better than...oh, I don't know...let's say...7 half-empty bottles of Windex. And #3 will make a group of somebodies very happy one day!

**Thanks for the pics, Nick. You're the bestest!**

why?...Why?...WHY?

Have you ever met one of those people who are always asking why? I'm not sure if I have. But, just to be fair, I should probably admit that several of my family/friends just thought of me. I have recently found a website that could help defend against these people...the ones that are always asking why...not my family/friends. My family/friends like to put on a good show, but they are really harmless.

They are very up front and admit that they are not proposing scientific fact. I quote: "Misinformation is at the heart of all scientific inquiry. ... Once an explanation is ruled out it becomes fair game and fodder for sites like this... This site makes no apologies for dissemination of bogus facts, half-truths, shaky hypotheses and downright malicious lies, innuendo, tomfoolery and even shenanigans." It's a good thing...since this is exactly what they are trying to feed you.

Some of my favorites are why is...the grass green, water wet, steel stainless, and metal shiny. Also worthy to note is their discussion on light speed, a blog, and where babies come from. I am proud to say that they seem to hold to the same philosophy that I do; If you don't know the answer, make it up.

Before you check it out, you probably should know that they get a little silly...that's an understatement. And...hopefully...I have managed to drain at least a small corner of the swamp.

Tag, YOUR IT!

I've been tagged!

Ten years ago:

I had just graduated from Dixie Jr. College, now Dixie State College (they went 4 year). I was planning on going to WSU, where I would become a criminalist. My goal was to work on a body farm, or become a medical examiner. I didn't know that you had to be either an Anthropology major or a MD.

5 things on my to do list:

1. Get my thesis published.
2. Find a real job.
3. Figure out why I still haven't received the part I ordered almost 3 weeks ago.
4. Get the TGA fixed.
5. Send Jessie's planters to her.

Things I would do if I was a millionaire:

1. Play with a tiger cub
2. Pay off debt
3. Invest
4. Visit the black and the mutter museums
5. Spend the night at the Winchester manor
6. Start a scholarship fund
7. Make a crop circle
8. See Jeremy Bentham
Above all else...HAVE FUN

Places I have lived:

1. Avendale, AZ (barefooted outside on Christmas day, Yea!)
2. Lovelock, NV (only there for 2 months, and horses stink)
3. Martin, SD (it starts to snow, and they close school)
4. Ivans, UT (red dirt, only bleach will take it out)
5. Kanab, UT (home of the 'pink bridge')
6. Kearns, UT (as a kid, the only place where I graduated from the same school I started at)
7. Odgen, UT (moved there twice, about 20 years apart)
8. Salt Lake City, UT (still here)
9. St. George, UT (seems like every other move I end up back there)
I don't think that I left anywhere out...but it's possible.

Now for the difficult part. I'm supposed to tag 5 people. I only read 4 blogs (not including my own). And half of those have been tagged already. So...if you haven't been tagged, guess what? Tag, your it!

Advanced Math?

The other day I had to obtain a copy of my transcripts for a job application. I figured that I would double check the graduation requirements, since I had to get a copy anyway. I need a total of 30 credits, 12 of which can be research. I got the gears in my head working, and figured out that I needed 28 classroom credits.

Turning to my transcripts I started counting. Yep, 12 research credits. Ok...3...6...21...WHAT only 22 classroom credits!?! I started to get worried. When I first checked this out, two semesters ago, I had more than enough. I had lost at least 6 credits! I forced myself to calm down, and I checked each class. Yep, they were all there. Now what? I AM SHORT 6 CREDITS FOR GRADUATION!!

My first thought was "Ok, it isn't second term yet, maybe I can sign up for something...anything to get my credits." However, after checking the schedule I became acutely aware of why graduate students only sign up for research during summer semester. Classes are not offered.

My second thought was "Oh $hit! I have to tell my advisor that I am 6 credits short for graduation. He is going to rip me a new one!" I would do anything to avoid this...I like my butt the way it is. So, I moved on to the third thought.

My third thought was to double check my math. Let's see 30 - 12 = ... 18. You're kidding me! I couldn't have made that mistake. I got out the calculator just to make sure. Yep...18. Whew. I'm really glad that I didn't send that e-mail. I can see the whole conversation now...He would be trying his hardest not to laugh while saying, "You know that masters degree we are giving you? Never mind." I would than have had to defend myself by saying, "At least it's a mistake Einstein would have made."

The moral of the story? Don't do advanced math when you have just spent 5 hours filling out a job application for the FBI. ...Or...fill out online job applications bare footed, and with a buddy. I guess it would depend on how bad your shoes stink.


*Thanks go to whoever posted this pic on facebook, so I could steal it. If it's yours, and you want it removed, just let me know.*

FYI

Did you know that...

(1) Impressing a girl/guy can be deadly? One day Molly and her husband checked into a hotel. When Molly saw the extremely thin rail that ran around the balcony, she was ecstatic. She could impress her husband with her gymnastic ability. While I'm sure that the back flip onto the rail was flawless, her balance wasn't.

Two guys (we can call them Hans from Germany, and Bob from Ohio) tried impressing their gals with a very macho showing of strength. They decided that since there was a really high balcony, they would do pull-ups. I really hope that Bob didn't read about his buddy on the Darwin awards, and think he could do better.

(2) After you've impressed your significant other, making out on the rooftop is not a good idea. Linda and Chester found this out the hard way.

(3) Katrina Chalifoux created a wedding dress made entirely of Charmin and tape, for a toilet paper wedding dress contest. I hope the bride doesn't sweat when she gets nervous. But if she has allergies she's covered...at least for a little while.

(4) If you trace your family tree back 25 generations, you will have idenified 33,554,432 direct ancestors.

(5) 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

(6) The town of Los Angeles, California, was originally named El Pueblo la Nuestra Senora de Reina de los Angeles de la Porciuncula.

(7) There are more collect calls on Father's day than any other day of the year.

(8) A German World War II submarine was sunk due to malfunction of the toilet.

(9) What could possibly be the largest living organism in the world is a fungus. It was discovered in the Malheur National Forest, in Oregon, and is estimated to cover 2,200 acres.

(10) June 20th is the happiest day of the year. Cliff Arnell has devised a scientific equation that takes into account physical and emotional stress factors. His research was funded by Wells Ice Cream.

And now we come to the purpose of this blog entry. Those of you who have seen The Bucket List will understand what I mean when I say "The cats beat me to it."

SQUIRRELS!!!

Ok, I wasn't going to post for a while...but I was looking for this song, and found this delightful music video instead! It's totally hilarious, and everyone should see it at least once. I've already watched it 3 times! But that doesn't excuse anyone.

Arachnophobia

This post is in hopes that I can help my little sister with her arachnophobia. While I still maintain that it is not my fault that she has arachnophobia (what fun could be had by throwing little balls of black string at her, if she didn't shriek like a banshee), I believe that I may be able to help her work out this fear.

I guess I should start by stating my credentials. Don't give me that look! I do have 'spider experience.' I had a pet spider for 3 years. A wolf spider. This spider lived on the side of our house. We would still be friends today, if I hadn't moved. I would talk to this spider. I have always found it helpful to tell problems to someone, not for a solution--but to get a better handle on the problem. Our conversations were always so very one-sided, though. I felt bad about this. I consoled myself by believing that if the spider wanted to talk, I would listen. Now that I have been self-certified as the spider guru, on to the therapy.

(1) Spiders that come into the house are committing suicide. They want to die, and you are doing them a favor by ending it quickly for them. In Jr. High, I had a basement bedroom. The number of spiders that liked to bite me at night was astonishing! At that time, I made a pact with all spiders. When I am outside, they are allowed to try and kill me. However, if they come inside I am allowed to try to kill them. If they leave their friends out of it, I won't recruit help either. These odds seemed a little one-sided to me. Just to even things up, I have to have shoes on. Since making this pact, the number of spiders I come across when I am barefooted has skyrocketed. I believe this to be the spiders' acceptance. You would to, if you knew that I wear shoes almost every waking hour.

(2) Spiders live a painful existence. Spinning a web can not be comfortable. Let's see...you pull some thread out of your butt, hang from it until you can swing wide enough to reach the next branch, and repeat a billion times over your life time. Of course this is assuming that there isn't a strong wind, which pulls that thread out much faster than you originally intended. Can you say OUCH! We are doing them a favor by sending them to spider heaven. There pigs have to spin the webs, to repay Charlotte.

(3) If logic won't persuade you, let superstition be your guide. Let's see not killing/seeing a spider can bring: money, good luck, health, joy, and hope. However it can also bring: sorrow, anxiety, bad luck, death, personally catastrophic events, new secret enemies, and misfortune. Killing a spider can bring: good or bad luck, and rain. There's the delightful bonus that you no longer have to live with the spider. I'd say the bad side of not killing the spiders far out weighs the good side.

(4) Has this worked? If not, maybe you can benefit from WikiHow! I bet there are at least seven or eight untested methods here that you haven't tried.

(5) Still afraid? At least you know that you are not quite as bad off as this gal. She's willing to pimp herself out for a good spider killer! Please excuse the profanity; I'm sure she doesn't know any better.

(6) What if you just want to kill spiders, but need to give them a fighting chance? Let the diatoms do the dirty work for you! Just call 1-800-DIATOMS.

And as always, you should be glad that I didn't have access to this story when I was 12. Boy, I could have and fun with that one! If I had this story and a small plastic spider, I would have thought I died and went to heaven!